Simple: I love Mariah Carey. Her latest CD, Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel takes us to a place where we really haven’t seen Mariah go before. Here are some of the best lines from a few songs. Me Likes Angry Mariah…

Song Title: H.A.T.E. U.

I can’t wait to hate you
make you, pain like i do..
still can’t shake you off..
I can’t wait to break through
these emotional changes..
seems like such a lost cause
I can’t wait to face you,
break you, down so low
there’s no place left to go..
I can’t wait to hate you..

Song Title: Up Out My Face

On the plane now
And don’t keep calling from your mama’s house

You ain’t never gunna feel this thing again
You gon’ get a lot of calls ’cause I see seen all your friends
I break
I ain’t walking around all mopey and sad
Take a look at my bags baby
I break

Song Title: Standing O

Cheers, toast, bravo to you.
The man of the hour.
You played the one that loved you the most
so here’s your standing O
oh oh ohhhhhhhh oh
oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh oh
oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh oh
Boy so Heres your standing O
oh oh ohhhhhhhh oh
oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh oh
oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh oh
Gave you my heart and all you did was pound on it (so heres your standing O)

I need to write, I have to, I want to. It’s a matter of life and death, both career wise and personally. Writing, like running or swimming only gets better with practice. It’s a sport, the art, the craft, and when it doesn’t get attention it fades likes today’s err yesterday’s trend.

I always told myself that my blog would never be devoted on one thing, and nor was it going to be an online diary. What write to about.. my blog has never been extrememly well focused, and while it never suffered from an identity crisis, I can’t help to think that maybe it’s time for an overhauling.  I don’t want to start fresh, but I need direction.

While I think about this, I guess I’ll just catch everyone up. There’s been a lot going on, last coulple of weeks of film school, a vacation, I moved to L.A., I Intern at NBCUNIiversal, with SyFy. So maybe once I get those post out, I’ll have a little breathing room to write again.

Disappointment–

I don’t deal with it well, not well at all.

For me I know it stems from years and years upon disappointment with my father. The missed birthdays, the wrong gifts, the broken promises, the un-obligatory feeling he radiates from this actions.

Expectations have a way of setting themselves, and even when we lower them to what we think is an acceptable level. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed when things fall below that. I sometimes can’t believe the amount of effort, or lack of some people have with it comes to certain things, like dates, or gifts, or birthdays, or thanks you. I am more let down by the effort, that causes the disappointment. If I try my hardest or if someone else does, and things don’t end up quite right, then I don’t have a problem with anything. You just chalk it up, and celebrate an awesome effort. You always can’t win and nor can you have everything you want.

I know and completely understand and accept that.  It’s the lack of effort that is so overwhelming poor,  that’s when disappointment hurts me the most. It’s when you have WEEKS to prepare, and your efforts seem rushed and THOUGHTLESS, it’s when you ask for one thing, and get nothing remotely close, to what you wanted,  when someone has means of make it available, it’s when you emulate what’s already been done for you, because you can’t come up with anything Creative on your on, or even attempted t0– that’s when disappointment hurts the most.

I just don’t understand how you can drop the ball on some of the most important days, when it’s your last chance to make things right, when it’s a chance to make someone you love feel loved, when it’s a day that’s important to them for whatever reason. The fact is ,the excuses  make the disappointment that much more stronger. Somehow their validation of their LACK of effort, makes the disappointment wound sting even more, because somehow they think it’s okay to explain why they didn’t go the extra mile for you, hell, when didn’t make the 1st mile at all.

People like my mom have to do double duty, to overshadow the whimsical  attempts of my father . Thank God I have really good friends that know me, than can catch the slack for other people, who spew nothing but excuses for their inadequacies, that been said, IF those people even recognize their shortcomings.

Run-ons and jumbled… yeah yeah i know… Just read the words..

A change, a release, that’s what I Pray

Seeking God, to mold me like Clay

Been so stressed, I swear my hair should be Gray

Please Baby, Please Please won’t you  Stay

Sorry don’t think so, not even if you  begged with Pay

Sure it’s been the coldest month of May

Your vicious words you used to Slay

My personality, my spirit now at Fray

Took me too long to see through you like an X-ray

You crushed my spirit, like a bud in an Ashtray

I won’t allow it, for me to Betray

Myself and watch my essence Decay

You can try really hard to make me Sway

You say yes, but I say Nay

Look in the mirror, do you like what you Portray

Keep distance and remain at Bay

Said I wouldn’t leave, cause you were a good Lay

The way you acted,  was well “kinda sorta “f#ckin’ Gay”

Its True, that love caused me to Delay

Now its over, and its Okay

And all this anger, frustration and hurt will soon just Flay

I grin, I smile, cause it’s a new Day

But I need to do my own thing, to get out and Play

What more can I do, what can I Say

Chalk it to life, but I’m walking Away

When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN