First of all, I don’t have a personal ad on any dating site. I’ve never met someone for a date from online either. I don’t online date. So here’s a outsider view of online dating. From what’s I’ve seen, and from the horror stories, I’m constantly subjected to, I have a few idea of why people are frustrated with Online Dating.
I. Skipping Steps
If I were to meet someone from an online dating site, I wouldn’t put as much effort into it. We assume we both are at-least interested, heck we’re meeting right. We’ve already talked several times(I hope), probably enough for 2.5 dates worth. Which means I’ve already skipped the first date. We’ve already weeded through the chit chat, of favorite TV shows, hobbies, favor colors. For a guy, that signals to me, that I don’t have to try as hard come up with great conversation. No need to impress and dazzle. Unlike meeting someone for the very first time, whenyou are on your P’s and & Q’s, the first time to you meet someone from an online dating site, you sorta feel you “know” the person, even if it’s just a bit superficial. Even if you have a successful “first date”, people often don’t know where to go from there.
II. Online Chatting Vs Face to Face
One of the perks of online chatting is, not having to talk to someone face to face. Unfortunately, we as a society have “Chatted” so much, we’ve lost ourskills on how to be sociable. The shy and nervous have hid behind the veil of Instant Messaging for too long. With face to face, you have to read facial expressions, and body language, and know how to control the converse. You just can’t say 2 lines and wait for a response, like you would , if you typed it online. Some people forget that. Stop talking, like you are chatting online. Sure you can spend an hour chatting on line, but why does a 30 mins lunch date, feel so awkard. Often times, people think and talk faster than they can type.. So where as you would normally have a few moments to think and then reply, your answers have to be, spare of the moment. Just a note; some jokes are better typed than said out loud.
III. Backup Mentality
Correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I can gauge. People enter online dating, with the wrong mind set. From several people I have generally, in some form or fashion, heard this: “Well, if this person is a bust, it’s ok, because I’ve got a possible match with several other people.” This resonates with #I. from above. This creates the backup mentality. Instead of adding pressure of trying to make the date work, people feel like they will have another chance with someone else. Which I understand is true, “more fish in the sea”–BLAH BLAH. People should attempt their best. Go in with the mentality that, “I’ve gotta make this work”. It’s as if you don’t treat “the date” as special. This is where most things fall part. People tend to give up mid-date, and just stop trying.
IV. Looks Vary
People never look in person, the way they do in pictures, especially online(which tend to be smaller, pixelated,). Something as small, as the addition or removal, of facial hair, can send expectations in a flutter. Not matter what it is, when we receive one thing, and expected another, there’s always some shock, sometimes disappointment, –this level adjustment that the mind and person must overcome. Sometimes people can’ adjust fast enough. Sometime expectations are just too high. Be reasonable, please. First of all make sure you exchange recent pictures atleast. If a person is unwilling to show you a picture, then, enter at your own risk.
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