4 Reasons Why Online Dating Fails

 First of all, I don’t have a personal ad on any dating site. I’ve never met someone for a date from online either. I don’t online date. So here’s a outsider view of online dating.  From what’s I’ve seen, and from the horror stories, I’m constantly subjected to, I have a few idea of why people are frustrated with Online Dating.

 I. Skipping Steps

If I were to meet someone from an online dating site, I wouldn’t put as much effort into it. We assume we both are at-least interested, heck we’re meeting right.  We’ve already talked several times(I hope), probably enough for 2.5 dates worth.  Which means I’ve already skipped the first date. We’ve already weeded through the chit chat, of favorite TV shows, hobbies, favor colors. For a guy, that signals to me, that I don’t have to try as hard come up with great conversation. No need to impress and dazzle.  Unlike meeting someone for the very first time, whenyou are on  your P’s and & Q’s, the first time to you meet someone from an online dating site, you sorta feel you “know” the person, even if it’s just a bit superficial.  Even if you have a successful “first date”, people often don’t know where to go from there.

II. Online Chatting Vs Face to Face

One of the perks of online chatting is, not having to talk to someone face to face. Unfortunately, we as a society have “Chatted” so much, we’ve lost ourskills on how to be sociable.  The shy and nervous have hid behind the veil of Instant Messaging for too long. With face to face, you have to read facial expressions, and body language, and know how to control the converse. You just can’t say 2 lines and wait for a response, like you would , if you typed it online. Some people forget that. Stop talking, like you are chatting online.  Sure you can spend an hour chatting on line, but why does a 30 mins lunch date, feel so awkard. Often times, people think and talk faster than they can type.. So where as you would normally have a few moments to think and then reply, your answers have to be, spare of the moment.  Just a note; some jokes are better typed than said out loud.

 III. Backup Mentality

Correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I can gauge. People enter online dating, with the wrong mind set. From several people I have generally, in some form or fashion, heard this: “Well, if this person is a bust, it’s ok, because I’ve got a possible match with several other people.” This resonates with #I. from above. This creates the backup mentality. Instead of adding pressure of trying to make the date work, people feel like they will have another chance with someone else. Which I understand is true, “more fish in the sea”–BLAH BLAH. People should attempt their best. Go in with the mentality that, “I’ve gotta make this work”. It’s as if you don’t treat “the date” as special. This is where most things fall part. People tend to give up mid-date, and just stop trying.

IV. Looks Vary

People never look in person, the way they do in pictures, especially online(which tend to be smaller, pixelated,). Something as small, as the addition or removal, of facial hair, can send expectations in a flutter.  Not matter what it is, when we receive one thing, and expected another, there’s always some shock, sometimes disappointment, –this level adjustment that the mind and person must overcome.  Sometimes people can’ adjust fast enough. Sometime expectations are just too high. Be reasonable, please.  First of all make sure you exchange recent pictures atleast.  If a person is unwilling to show you a picture, then, enter at your own risk.

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9 Responses

  1. Hey Justin… The outsider’s few of online dating has been exposed to a lot of hype presented by people who have had negative experiences. I met DH through Yahoo Personals (when it was still free). Most sites have guidelines has to how to approach online dating and encourage people to practice being safe meeting a stranger.

    I do agree with you, however, about people not taking the present date seriously because they have the “there is plenty more where that came from” mentality. Personally, I spent years dating people from online and I preferred it that way because I was too shy to actually get a guy to talk to me in person otherwise. Ironically, after I started meeting guys, I developed more confidence. In the 8 years that I was single, I can’ say that I’ve had any “really” bad experiences. Sure, I had someone lie about their age and it was SO obvious… but I always met people in public places, and during the day if I could help it.

    Funny, I thought that DH lied about his age when he sent his pic because it made him look a LOT older than he said he was. He actually looked like Mr Burns of the Simpsons in that pic! Don’t tell him I said that! Anyway, I met him because I had this rule that said that I would at least meet someone in person before I made any judgment about him. As it turned out, that pic was over exposed by a very sunny day and it yellowed out his whole complection. Anyway, in person he looked a lot better.

    DH was also very shy and had to go the online dating scene. Plus, if you go to a dating agency in person, or through the newspapers, it’s still the same thing, people can say “anything” and lie about themselves even if they meet in person at the museum.

    I do agree with you, again, in that we must remember to take it to the next level, making it a REAL relationship as opposed to a FAKE online one.

  2. DM,

    This is why I love you so.(DH, don’t hurt me, lol). You give the the greatest comments. This balances my POV. I’m glad that you found DH, online, and things have thus far worked out. You’re the prime example of how to online date. I remember your comment on TNS, about talking with DH before marriage(the best and worst of). Thanks for setting it the record straight. Personally I haven’t tried it, that’s why I put that little disclaimer up at the top.

    For Successful Online Dating TIPS please see DM. lol

  3. online dating is creepy. people can be what anyone they choose to be on cyberspace. imagine if you ended up dating a serial killer online?

  4. Justin,
    I have no personal experience in this dating medium. I like you have heard some horror stories and some stores like DM’s that have worked out wonderfully. It is like going on a series of blind dates, some work out, most turn out to be fun stories to tell at a party.

    I can see the advantages and disadvantages of on line dating. Dating, no matter what way you do it, is a hit and miss venture.

    Good article.

  5. Hey Justin… I still loved your article and the way you express yourself… so naturally witty. I’ll bet that you have waves of women hovering about you, either platonic or romantic wannabes.

    I agree with tobeme that however you date, it’s a hit and miss venture. I’ve gotta say that I do believe that God has protected me through my dating experiences. I realize that I could have made some really wrong choices and could have gotten myself into a LOT of trouble, in more ways than one. Indeed, there were times, I realize now, that I DID make the wrong choice and I was preserved by what I call “God” and you might call “fate, destiny” or whatever.

  6. One must remember safe practices and first intuitions when engaging in online dating. I feel some people rely to heavily on internet dating to find the love of their loves. Not saying it’s impossible, but taking precautions should be a DEFINITE priority.

  7. #Being too shy,

    Many people think that online dating is a wonderful way for people who are shy to date. Well guess what? Being shy online will lead to just as many failed attempts at dating as it does in the offline world. If you don’t want to fail at online dating, you’ve got to come out of your shell.

    #Being passive rather than active,

    This is different than being shy. Passive daters are not fully committed to the idea of online dating. They approach it with half of their attention and most don’t commit to a paid membership which puts everyone at a disadvantage. Regardless of the reason for your passivity, whether you’re indecisive, fear rejection or are just too lazy, failing at online dating will be a blow to your ego.

    #Cutting and pasting your replies

    Some people will see through this masked attempt at originality. This type of correspondence is impersonal and if it’s all you’ve got time for, then perhaps you don’t really have enough time for dating. If you do this because you’re not good with words, then read how others respond to your messages and use these as guides. Nobody likes a form letter, especially when they’re looking for romance.

    #Sounding negative or arrogant

    No one wants to talk to someone who is a downer or just the opposite, someone who cannot stop talking about him or herself. Keep your negative experiences to yourself. You’re starting anew and there is no need to drag your past into your future. And a successful relationship is a two-way relationship. If you do all the talking, it won’t ever develop into anything more than a one-way dead end.

    #Making overt or borderline sexually harassing comments

    Asking questions that are too personal or offering up blunt descriptions of what you think is an almost guaranteed way to scare off your prospective dates. Plus doing so could put your membership in jeopardy.

    #Lying about your relationship status

    You’ll get away with this type of lie for some period, but ultimately, always, this type of lie will come back to bite you and it will hurt either you or the person you’re involved with.

    #Lying about your real looks

    It’s tempting to use photo enhancement tools to make your photo more alluring. Plenty of online daters do this. Or they post a photo that is 10 or so years old. Whether your photo isn’t an accurate representation, or whether the words you use to describe your physical appearance are exaggerated, lying about your looks is another reason people fail at online dating.

    #Corresponding only with the ‘Hotties’

    You’ve got just as much chance getting hooked up with the person behind the stunning image as you do if you saw that person at a trendy nightclub – slim to none. That person will be bombarded with email and the chances of finding yours AND finding yours interesting are slim. Get back to reality or online dating will never work for you! best place to find about dating tips,discover good friends,meeting people,playing games,is http://www.goodwizz.com.

  8. of course internet dating is the trend these days, you can meet lots of people on the internet ~-,

  9. *:~ I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives useful information “~*

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