Let the Judging Begin!!

Many people go about their daily lives in a self-centered way. Egotistically, putting themselves first,,hungering for personal desires, and avoiding pain. By living in a self centered way, we become distant to each other, usually caused by the the comparing, criticizing, and judging of our fellow peers. The ego normally finds an instinctive way of putting itself first, ensuring itself that it’s better than the next. When you judge people from a self-centered point of view you will usually find a negative category to place them in. Something tobeme states we should try to avoid in his post What Labels Are You Wearing? But negative labels are everywhere. To be one thing, is NOT to be another.

Remember as young children, when we rarely cared about differences. We didn’t care who we played with and laughed with, we just wanted someone to share the experience with us. What happens between childhood and adulthood, that causes us to become so selective about the people we choose to come in contact with, eat with, even converse with? Why is the older “us”, so much more liable to judge other people?

Sure we are all special and unique in some manner. We all bring something different, to the table if you will. But in the grand scheme of things are we really that different? No, I don’t believe so. When stripped down from personal circumstances we are all pretty much the same. If we are all so equal, then why do we treat others so differently, and equally why are we treated in a similar manner. What gives us the right to judge?, that question leads me to my next post.. (tomorrow or Thur.)


7 Responses

  1. Justin,
    Very well written and expressed!

    What happens between childhood and adulthood is we inherit the beliefs of our elders. We are taught to judge people, taught who to avoid and sometimes why. The adults who are doing this do mean well, they think they are protecting the child, when in fact they are destroying much of the joy of life which we spend the next umpteen years trying to rediscover.

  2. Great post, Justin! The first step towards battling with the almighty ego is to be aware that it’s really a problem and that we all have some sort of ego that will, at one time or other, cause our sense of self to swell up into a “mightier than thou” situation. It’s inescapable. It’s important to know and accept our own egos for what they are; then it’s important to know in what areas, at what times it will flare up. Then… this is the hard part. We must deny our egos satisfaction. We must fight it to become humble, yeah, I know, easier said than done. It can be done if we are truly honest with ourselves and if we truly want to live up to our values.

    I do agree that the labels we place on others and ourselves can be limiting and damaging. I do not agree that we must have a label already in place before we can be impressed with someone, or their work. As tobeme expressed on another post, you can have high expectations of someone and still be impressed. I also think that you can become impressed when something is said or done from out of nowhere. Like if my DH were to come home in the middle of the week and say, “Let’s go out”. It’s not that I have a lower expectation than that; it’s simply out of the normal routine.

    Ah, I think that as kids, we absorb a lot of what our parents do and say. Sometimes, parents pressure a kid not to hang out with someone because they are ignorant, or just plain prejudiced. As a kid, I was exposed to all different races in school. At home, I never thought that my parents were prejudiced, but I started to hear little comments here and there. It still didn’t click until a coworker of my dad’s came over. He was dark skinned, but not African American… I think he was Indian or Pakistani. My parents really liked the man, always saying how nice and respectful he was; but then one day he asked my dad if he could take me out. My dad refused him, saying because of the age difference. He was in his mid twenties and I was 16 or 17. But still. Later when they told me about it, my mother made the remark about how dark he was and that it would be a scandal when our “neighbors” saw us go out together. Ugh. That was ugly for me to hear from my own mother’s mouth. It was then that I knew they were prejudiced against race. So ironic because at that age and when I started work, the only men that would give me a second glace were African Americans. I never pursued anyone because I was just too shy to begin with and could not talk to ANY man!

    Another factor is peer pressure. How many times teenagers in a group do whatever the alpha male or female does? It takes us “weirdos” who do not care what “anyone” thinks to break that vicious cycle. For myself, my introverted nature preempted being in a group to begin with, let alone play follow the leader. This is one positive that I discovered in my teenage dysfunctional behavior. Since I was not a part of any group, I developed without peer pressure beating me down.

  3. […] dragonmommie This post was contrived by me after being inspired by Justin V.’s new post, “Let the Judging Begin”. To be honest, my comment on his site got too long again, and I had to break it up somehow. This […]

  4. Tobeme,

    Thanks for adding to this post. You bring up a good point about learning from elders.

    You bring up so many great points. I hadn’t even thought about peer pressure. You also bloster what tobeme, says about elders.

  5. I think part of that is age. I dont think I am nearly as judgmental as I was. Or as hard on myself. I have seen/felt too much pain. I the past five, six years I try to be … not judgmental.
    We do not know others pain behind the face. I also look at others now, knowing that each person has a story. Surly diffent from mine. I am very cuious. Why do each of us make the choices that we do.

  6. I have tried most my life not to be judgmental, in fact when i rebelled in my late teens to early 20’s I threw off most of the things my parents had tried to instill in me about others. In fact i found that some of what they had tried to teach me was incorrect. I on the other hand have been judged and quite harshly as of late by different people, I have been on the recieving end of what it is like to be judged because I have a mental illness, and because I came out. I have just lost a friend of 20 years i think because he has judged me for being gay.

    I hate being judged


  7. I think everyone (DM, Seandbe, and Little Pony) are all right; we do learn from our parents and peer pressure and hopefully along the way, we’ve experienced enough to know and see things differently. There’s also the community standard and the era we grew up and how people see things.

    My dad will see a man with long hair and think automatically back to the 70’s “hippie” and only when he talks to that person, does his thinking change.

    It’s sad when people put labels on others and refuse to see beyond them. It can also work when people approve of you — are you of value to them because of YOU or because you’re doing what they like?

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