” You’re not black, you’re white, your skin is just confuse”
“Yup, I’m really white, I just have a great year round tan”
Those are phrases I’ve heard/hear plenty of times before. The last one even indicates, how I have come to the habit of tagging myself with similar phrases. This is something that has become apart of me. Something fortunately I’ve never had a true problem with. I’ve always held that prejudice into a positive light. I’ve somewhat always prided my self on being “white-like”. Because I COULD and did ,easily and naturally assimilate with my white peers, I’ve never thought of myself as better than anyone else for doing so, just better off. Better off in the terms of attention(in school/community), in the terms of oppturnities and considerations.
I’m not like some/most black people. Not to stereotype, but I don’t like or take part in some of the common things that black people do. And before I get bombarded with the Sterotype Soapbox, let’s just cut the crap. Pos or Neg, there are common trends found amoung races. PERIOD. Since I break the stereotype, I in turn give everyone the benefit, of not assuming anything, based on color.
Black people judge me on my level of “blackness”. I’m often judged, quite harshly I should mention, because of the way I carry myself. Because I don’t talk in slang, and broken English, because I don’t smoke weed, I’m not black. I listen to just about every musical form in existence, but because I perfer Rock or Pop or Alternative over Rap, or Hip Hop, I’m not black. I hate how the word urban has become synomous with meaning “BLACK”. But I don’t like wearing “Urban” clothing. It’s just a style that isn’t for me, oh yeah that makes me, guess what… not black. Pretty smart and articulate and not afraid to use it, say it with me…NOT BLACK. I I know it’s silly; the idea of acting a racial color; acting white, acting black etc. But on some level we have to realize that, white people and black people carry themselves differently. ‘ll admit the black community is getting better with this, it’s just moving way to slow.
Similarlly I’m judged by white people on my level of “whiteness”. The difference, is that, once a non-white meets a certain level of white-ness, that person is deemed safe, harmless, and far more appraochable. (that statement in itself opens another can of worms, anywho) I’ve learned how to quickly make myelf, the most unthreatening black person. If my clothing doesn’t immediately put your mind to ease, my vernacular and the contexts of which I speak, usually does the job. I’ve found more acceptence, I guess with white people, at least once I’ve met the critera. It wasn’t wasn’t simple emulation to fit in. I’m from a county and school system that was predominatly black. It wasn’t until college, when I became a minority. I’ve been surround by black people all my life. Perhaps tha’ts it, I Rebelled against the “my norm”. But isn’t usually rebellion done on purpose, with purpose. What do you call it when it’s natural, or mostly inborne?
Oh yeah, and if I’m seen with a white female(even if that person is just a friend), I’m immediately written off by black females. I can tell by the way people look at me, the noses, the facial expressions, the whispers, I can feel the disdain, the lack of understanding. The negative engery radiates, strongly at times, but I try my best to just repel that. I would sometimes rather people call me names or something, but I get none of that. Atleast then I could put a face on it.
Why put so much engergy into negative outlets? Why do people judge so negatively? Why are we so afraid of diversity? We accept it, but when do we truly embrace it? Generally I could care less about what people think. What bothers me is the reasoning behind the judging, the critiizing. It’s like: To be who I am, is to be wrong–But I’m not wrong. I’m right, because I’m me. I’m Happy being me, and honestly that’s all that matters.
I know the subject matter, is somewhat heavy, but please feel free to comment at freely as you would like. You cannot offend me, believe me. Secondly I value your opinions, and reflections.
Here comes the next stone…