A guy walks up to me at work, all excited and full of joy. Promotion?, Fired?, Preparing to blow the office completely to bits, I wondered to myself. So as I stand there, stirring my drink, he begins to babble about the “most wonderful” thing. I take the bait and ask, Why are you so excited? He pauses, and says.. “I’m having a baby” and runs off before I can even get a congratulations in, or a I’m sorry you life will owned in about nine months 🙂
Excuse me, but the last time I checked it’s biological impossible for a guy to have a baby, and no let’s not try and see if we can prove that wrong. Yes times have changed, no longer subjected to the waiting room couch and smoking cigars,–men are allowed in the delivery room with the mother, to hold and comfort her, to have obscenities yell at them, and above all to remind her to breathe. That’s all fine, I really don’t see a problem with that. But I do have a concern with is the growing epidemic of men who “think”they are pregnant. If I hear another guy say, I’m tired, because, I’m having a baby, I think I will seriously hurt someone. Stop walking around like you’re bloated, and by the way she’s eating for two, not you, so put the porkchop down. Your feet swell because you have poor circulation and don’t exercise, don’t try and steal her excuses.
More and more everyday, I believe that gender roles are slowly but surely blending into one. Which in a way is good, it removes some of the limiting stereotypes that are placed on men and women. I mean stay at home dads, and female construction workers are not that uncommon anymore. It’s ok for a guy to the do the dishes, and a woman to cut the grass. But have gender roles blended so well, that now, men, actually think they are pregnant. This is her time to shine, her time in the spotlight. Stop being such a mirror whore and go and do something productive. Paint the new nursery, build the crib, work more, you’re going to need the extra cash.
So fellas, please stop running around saying “We’re pregnant” or We”re having a baby”, because clearly you aren’t. I understand the taking care of a baby, is a dual-equal process, or well it should. But let’ face it until you’re squeezing a seven pound bundle of joy out of a small hole, there’s only one person “having” a baby.
Photograph by Phillip Toledano