Sexomnia: Raping Partners While Sleeping

Article I’d thought I’d share via Details Magazine + Google + ETC.

Your partner fears that you will hold them down again and have your way with them.  You have no memory of these things; the act, let alone being awake.  This what it is like to live with the dilemma of sexsomnia..

Sexomnia, is officially defined aSLeeps sexual behavior driven by abnormal arousal suing deep sleep. Think of it as a X-rated version of sleepwalking. Instead of running around the house, or standing in front to the frig eating leftovers, sexsomniacs engage in sex, rough, and sometimes unusual acts, all while they are sleeping. Some people would just call it a base case of the hornies, but sexsomnia is a real disorder.  But many doctors aren’t even familiar with sexsomnia, it wasn’t even recognized by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine until last year.  It is thought to be rooted in genetics, but controllable factors like sleep deprivation, stress, and drug or alcohol use also play a role.  The problem can be treated by anti-anxiety drugs.

Some couples consider sexsomnia, a harmless surprise, while other couples are having a hard time dealing with the disorder. It can mess with the “victim”‘s head, cause confusion and embarrassment.  It creates this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of personality and for some people it’s very scary. Some of the cases follow.

1. Richard Anderson, a34-year old from Massachusetts, got three years probation for fondling two girls, ages 11 and 13, even though the mother believed he was a sexsomnia.

2. Adam Kieczykowski(wow what a last name), a 19-year old student was cleared of all charges. He was charged with breaking into dorms rooms and sexually assaulting 10 women. He didn’t remember anything when he woke up.

3.  A couple from Milwaukee, reports that once every few months, the female in the relationship starts going to town on him, orally.

I’m completely intrigued and blown away by the articles I’ve been reading on this. It’s absolute insane.  It does make sense if the disorder, is triggered by sleep-deprivation. I mean I’m sure that most people have experienced,  what we call Twilight Driving; driving a car, while extremely sleepily, and somehow you lose memory of how you traveled a certain distance. Ever just woken up on the road.. That’s the body/mind going into automatic behavior, similar to how the body goes into an automatic sexual behavior with sexomina.

Update:

I know have a friend with this disorder, and I was able to ask a great deal of questions about it. It appears that when he does his sexual act,  he’s completely unaware of his state of being. He unlike like some cases, actually remembers what happens in the morning to some extent, but still has no control over it.

I wonder if there is a disorder for drooling, during sleep..hehe.. Droolomnia Maybe

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39 Responses

  1. I would hate to suffer from this disorder, imagine not remembering having sex – and even worse, if it was the best sex you’ve ever had!
    Seriously though, in my younger days, I would sometimes get so drunk that I’d not remember what happened the next day. But that hasn’t happened in a while, at least not in the last hour or so! (chuckle)

  2. Wow, never heard of this. My first thought is that this is not a real disorder. Could it be true, I guess so. Sounds more like a excuse for bad behavior. I have a hard time believing that one could be asleep, break into a dorm room and commit rape and never wake up. Again, I am ignorant of the data, howeve my gut says, this is not a real thing, rather an excuse to cross societal boundries.

    • it is true i been with my partner a year now and when he first done it i thought he was just messing about he would do fore play then turn over then he would go full on into it and when i said the morning after he did not know any thing about it he is rather embarease i myself think it adds to the mystery of my relationship x

  3. I did hear of this before, but you are right, it is not very well known in the medical community.

    I agree with tobeme, it DOES sound incredible, though I am not so sure of it being an intentional criminal action. If you look at some cases of “regular” sleep walking, there have been cases of people waking up in crazy places, even out of their homes. With that in mind, I will keep my mind open about this disorder.

    Could it be because people have desires that they or their partners refuse to satisfy? Maybe even suppressed tendencies of a rapist? I know next to nothing about this, so I will leave it here.

  4. That is some odd stuff. Wow.

  5. Totaltransformation,
    Thanks for stopping by the blog. Yes I agree ODD stuff indeed.

  6. These are very intriguing facts, ive never heard of such a disorder. But the driving one, i am that exact way. I can never remember driving from one place to the next. Strange. Keep the interesting posts coming!!!

  7. That is ridiculous and…insane. I don’t mean that you’re lying…I just mean…what a fucking weird ‘disorder’! I can’t believe this is real…

  8. hey ,just read an article on this in a mag ,then the same one on wikki.apparently i do somthin like this.my wife wakes me up an tells me to knock it off.
    im not rough or mean,i fondle ,kiss ,caress etc,but she knows im asleep.its weird waking up on top of her i can tell you.
    she stirs me about it on the odd time it happens,it causes us no problems.
    as for some of the cases i have read those people need some serious help,especially if its landing you in court.some of it has got to be bullshit ,it needs more study so people cant exploit the lack of credible facts

  9. My Husband suffers from this disorder!

    He works night shift so i thought it was just something he liked to do when we were actually in bed together, but quite a few times he doesn’t remember and his behaviour is not the same as to when he is awake. When i tell him what has happened and what he did he gets really embarrassed and can’t believe he has done such a thing.

    He hasn’t always been like this, only really since he started working night shift and he doesn’t really get the sleep he needs per night so i guess sleep deprivation has been a major cause to his case

    • JR4LC-You too HUH?!?!?! Hmm, I see a pattern here. My husband-works second shift gets home at midnight, and our schedules are whacked out from it. Thats when this all started. Sad to say Im not a fan of it, and hes even more not a fan of it. Especially since its becoming worrisome.

  10. JR4LC,

    Thanks for visiting the blog. WOW you’re husband. THanks for sharing. I’m glad this disorder hasn’t cause you all too much grief. How do you cope with it?

  11. I have this “disorder”.
    You feel like you wake up in the middle of the night, the person next to you feels like a complete stranger (they could be your partner or not, it doesnt matter) you feel weird because you are in bed with a complete stranger, and you also feel very aroused.
    I personally remember being very quiet at first cause I cant identify the person next to me, even though i find them sexually attractive. Usually I will go back to sleep or I will stay there quiet until my concious mind wakes up to tell me where I am and what is happening. Sometimes however you feel extremely aroused, and if you and your partner are already touching (sleeping while hugging each other, or spooning etc) then the urge to touch the person and be more intimate takes complete control of you.
    I do remember little bits of it the next day, I remember that I have had the experience, like you remember a dream. But the moment that it happens you are not really yourself and the person next to you is not someone that you identify at all, even though they are your partner. So in a way, it feels like you are having sex with a complete stranger.
    It has never been an issue in the relationships that i have had, as a matter of fact they were “flattered” that I made the advances (never to the point of intercourse).
    My fear has been that it might happen to me when I am in bed with a friend or a relative even, cause like I said, when it’s happening you dont really see them as relatives or friends, but it never has happened to this day
    Finally, this is a rare occasion, it won’t happen every week or every month even, its rare.
    I dont know how much of a “disorder” it is. Its like sleepwalking really. It can happen to anybody, its a natural occasion even though we dont understand the specifics of it. My thoughts are that as long as it hasnt put you in hurtful situations and makes your life difficult then i dont see the need to start taking pills for it.
    Thats my thought anyway.

  12. I have experienced something similar to this for quite a few years now. For me though, I masterbate. Sometimes, I wake up, others I don’t.
    It’s quite embarassing, especailly when you are at someones house and they ask, “what were you dreaming about last night?”. I’ve also had relationships where I’ve had my boyfriends mad at me for days because I “wouldn’t leave them alone” or “tried raping them”. Obviously (or hopefully) they were joking about the raping, but it was still embarrassing and confusing for the longest time.

    Finally, I got so fed up with this behaivor, I started doing research. I was so relieved to find there were others out there like me. The only thing I’m wondering (and can’t seem to find an answer to) is, is there a natural way to cure this. I’ve been on different types of medication for different reason, and dislike many of the side affects.

    Does anybody have any alternative solutions for me to at least try?

    Thanks.

  13. I came across this website whilst doing some research for a talk i am doing soon on Sleep and sex. I am a sleep specialist from the UK and wanted to find both a laymans view on sleep sex and a patient’s view.
    Regarding Heather’s question – there is no really easy solution. treatment involves avoiding any precipitating factors – such as excess stress, alcohol and sleep deprivation and getting treatment for other sleep disorders such as Sleep Apnoea if they are present. Once these have been dealt with then the answer is use of a sedative medication in a sufficient dose. any of the benzodiazepines will work, Clonazepam 0.5mg – 2 mg is my preferred drug. The reported sucess rate is really high so if you have tried these drugs before then presumably the dose wasn’t high enough. be careful though high doses can lead to hangover sedation in the morning and problems driving, etc
    i hope this helps. there is no doubt that it is a genuine disorder, obviously though people can pretent though….

    • I am both a victim and suspect I may have the problem myself. I was “fondled” awake one drunken night by a friend and never believed that he didn’t remember it until I started waking up w/my hands down my pants. I’m not wet or anything though, so I don’t think I’m actually masturbating. It only happens if I’m sleep deprived. Is this considered sexomnia or not?

  14. My husband has this disorder. It is very real and in our case very hard to deal with. We’ve been married for 5 years and in the beginning it was just wierd having sex in middle of the night all the time. Then he started trying different things and being rough. That’s when I found out he couldn’t remember it. And it was during his sleep. It got worse and worse and finally I had to look it up. It is a big relief to find out he is not some strange hopeless case.

    • i’m glad to know i’m not just some wierdo… it started for me about two years ago.. my ex said i would thrust at her in my sleep… i didnt think much of it but recently (past six months) its gotten pretty bad. i have had a couple of incedents where i’ve tried different things and i’m completely asleep but i dont think my subconcious is recognizing the word “no” anymore.. i’ve gotten rough too. my therapist says she wants to put me on clonopin but its really addictive any my girlfiend and i dont want to creat another problem. if anyone has advice please respond

    • Hi if anyone would be interested in a feature for a national newspaper/magazine about sexomnia to raise awareness please contact me kw5694(at) live.com
      kate

  15. Simon,

    Thanks for stopping by the blog. It’s good to see a professional take on the subject. It’s something I stumbled upon a year or so ago.

    Armyfone,

    Thanks for sharing your personal exp with us. Yeah I’ve heard that for some couples it can be really hot at first, because it comes off as spontaneous sex, but soon it becomes prolematic.

  16. This is so weird. I’m so speechless

  17. not that satisfying

  18. My husband has this. He wakes me up once or twice a month with it. He never has any recollection of it. At first he didn’t believe me. He’s woke up during sex before and said, “Wow. What a nice way to wake up.” The first time I hadn’t known he was asleep.

    He’s also done things that hurt physically. He sleeps very hard anyway, so I can rarely wake him up. On those nights I sleep on the couch. He is always surprised to find me there. He doesn’t get out of bed and look for me while he’s asleep. Thank goodness.

  19. Jetzige,

    Thanks for sharing, and visiting the blog. LOL yeah I’m glad he doesn’t sleep walk and come and find you. If you don’t mine me asking, do you find this “quirk” a refreshing surprise or more of a nunsanice?

  20. Definately, these kitties are alluring however these ones have no inhabitions. Check out Keren Tharrington http://bit.ly/9fu3v

  21. I need to know if it takes two t

  22. I would like to know if it takes two to tango in this act because it happend to me and my home girl but we dont know who started it

    • i think its just the evil spirits… dont think im crazy… sometimes when i get drunk i talk on another lango to mah siss but for real i didnt know how to speak it, but we both undrstand it, after i started punching her, i just finished 2 beers and one shot after i start acting really weird.. i got red eyes… first i didnt believe on those things but i do now.. go ahead and tell me im crazy :)

  23. i just googled this just to find out if its a crime or not, raping while sleeping… im very curious about it, im simply known in one place in bohol, philippines, i could say i was the best sex they all would ever have cause im half white and asian,… everytime i get online n fb i see always friend requests and they try to earn mah trust… im going to report that to the police, but i hope it doesnt take forever, i was addicted to drinks, i had a hard life since birth… always problems, when i got into troubles in mah country i had to move to the country where my mother is from, and they all think its different having sex with a foreign girl and think their slutty because they easily have sex with guys, well i was just 13 when i moved there, i drank there few times but never got that drunk… i was a virgin, i was never allowed to go out alone cause someone could kidnap me… but it started when i got 14 i met this girl from japan, and japanese girls are knownd to be sluts, and this girl was 16, she never told me she had a sugar daddy, we became really good friends,, but i never ate anymore because of her, she was really a bad influence, my twin sister got sick because of her… a month later my mother heard shes got sugar daddy.. and i was shocked, but not really surprised cause everytime we were together she had money… after that i waas not allowed to hangout with her… but i still went to clubs with mah siss… and i met this guy there… he got mah number, the next day he asked me out to drink i always said no, but once i felt sorry for him so i did go out, the next day i brought mah sister.. again and agin after i got addicted to drinks… after few months my body couldnt take it anymore… we went back to our country to rest, we ate more there we couldnt drink, only smoke… and when we came back things changed.. i ofcourse drank again, went out with that guy he was my besfriend but we never did something together, i always went straight home.. and later it got worse and worse just the first day i got to see him again i punched him, and all i know now is it was because of depression…but at that time i didnt know.. there was a big fight.. i was so embarrest next morning, i hated that guy after that, and my ”friends told me he touched mah boobs thats why, but they just lied because they wanted us to stay with them, ofc to show off, so thats how it happened like a year everyday i got raped while sleeping… i started to notice i was already depressed when i was 14 but didnt mind it,… when i got 15 i was still there on july 19th i moved back to mah country and i feel so stupid.. i think about those things everyday.. and i try to erase everything.. and forget them.. but its hard cause they all know me….. so now i know its called sexomnia…

  24. hm i dont know much about this but is there gonna be a reply? heh… will i know it? or… hmm im confused

  25. A Good post, I will be sure to save this in my Clipmarks account. Have a good evening.

  26. My husband suffered with this for years, for years, I endured being raped. To include immediately coming home from the hospital after having a c-section. I just learned it has a name and that he maybe does not remember. He claims lack of memory for that, physical abuse, and some mental abuse. He has gone as far a threatening to kill me if I every try to leave him. After 35 years, I have had it. Either they find his memory or I am gone.

  27. I could not believe this! But I do think it is real. I sleep walk and have done some things I could not remember the next morning. I also feel that I have “experienced” sexomnia in some way. I have been told that I moan loudly in my sleep and touch myself. Also, I have woken up in bed with all of my clothes off. When this first happened I was so confused but kind of brushed it off. Then it happen again…then again. I started to worry but all of a sudden it stopped. At that time started a new job while ALSO being the primary care giver to a very active 2 yr old. So sleep was short and I was always tired. It hasn’t happened in some time now but I do hope it does not resurface…especially not to the extent some people have experienced. I will definitely be checking back to see the updates!

  28. This IS a real disorder. My husband has it, and for yrs i didn’t think he was really sleeping, even though i have seen him sleep walk. Now i know when he does it, if im not into it, to shake him until he wakes up. He didn’t belive me when i told him he did sexual things at night until i did some research and found this disorder. I can see how other ppl dont believe in it, i might not had i not seen it myself

  29. Hey guys just wanted to let you know yous give quality to the web and I’m happy I ran into ur clonazepam blog cheers

  30. […] Posted on March 12, 2007 by Justin V […]

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