Don’t Pee On My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining

Do I have STUPID written across my forehead, in some visible-in-black-light only ink, that I’m not aware of? Someone, be nice, tell me. Because lately certain people have just been treating me like, I’m the village idiot. Look I think I’m one of the most kindest, laid back guys you can meet and work with. I guess sometimes, people take my kindness for weakness, or in this case lack of intelligence/common sense. My roommate recently decided that life was too stressful him to handle (aboo whoo hoo) and picked up smoking. He’s been smoking on and off, even after we agreed not to have smoking in the apartment. I won’t even get into the issue that’s it’s more that cigarettes… Anywho after some weeks now, of dealing with it, and being NICE about it, I finally put my foot down–a size 13 thank you very much,

This is pretty much the speech I gave to my roommate-

” I was under the impression that we agreed upon no smoking in the apartment, both for the smell and health reasons. I mean I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my clothes smelling like tobacco-chewing Bubba’s bottom lip. Also, I’m trying to live a long healthy sexy life here, and well your second hand smoking, are taking off days of my super expected lifespan.  So all of that being said, When I walk in the apartment and it smells like smoke, please don’t waste your breathe(you might it need in 30 years), telling me you weren’t smoking.   Don’t try to elaborate the lie by saying the people downstairs were smoking, and it just comes up. If  this apartment was a “real” person, it would have personality disorder, because you have it smelling like all 4 different seasons as once, in your weak, pathetic and down right whimsical attempt of covering up the smell. So don’t lie-yet again and say it smells nice in here, because you CLEANED-UP today, because you are the poster child for sloppiness.

You can do what you want with your body, but I have a problem when it begins to affect me.  So, guess what? We’re going to rectify this situation, because me, and my currently dormant asthma have major beef with you. So here’s what’s going to happen. If  you want to smoke, do it outside or on the balcony please, and If I catch you or I find evidence of smoking in the apartment again, I’ll just burn your eyes out with cigarette butts, it’s that simple.”

OMG you should have seen his face. He had this flabbergasted look on his mug. He was so shocked that I could tell he had been smoking in the apartment and the fact I went psycho-parent on his butt.  He apologized and said he would stop smoking in the apartment; mission accomplished.  Some times you just gotta pull out the guns.

Are thos dirty dishes from two weeks ago…


11 Responses

  1. Way to go, Justin! I can’t stand smoke… though I did smoke p.o.t. for a [short] time.

    Are those lines [letters] on your forehead disappearing? Must be that no-nonsensical attitude you are wearing now… no room for “i-d-i-o-t”.

    You are right, though, people do take advantage of the nice ones out there. I’m glad you pulled out the big guns and let your roommate know where you stand.

  2. Jason,
    I like the way you delt with your flatmate.
    I have smoked and not smoked and smoked again, buttons, pot I even tried dipping my ciggies into poppers to see if I’d get a rush, and you can tell your flatmate that I think it’s DISGUSTING!
    It’s a great social equalizer though, bums on street corners smoke, supermodels smoke backstage at fashion shows and even rich kugel housewives are known to light up from sheer boredom.
    On the other hand though, maybe if I started smoking again, Rob, my landlord, will pull out his “BIG GUN”! (teehee)
    You ever loving sex slave,

  3. Jason,
    Good job! You did what need to be done. Now, put your smoking gun back in it’s holster and breathe!

  4. The Justification of (say it with me now) J U S T I N

  5. LOL

    Do you look like a Jason?

    Way to speak your mind – don’t let the jack asses win!

  6. Ohh man i only wish i had the guts to confront my dumb assed house mate about cleaning up like you did about smoking lol


  7. You go Guy. You have every right to live in a smoke free enviroment. Especally since it had been established from the start.

  8. Interesting blog man. Then again, why don’t you allow your roommate to smoke next to window with a fan blowing toward it? It wont adversely affect you that way.

    Then again, its a bad habit. I don’t think he will stop smoking because of this though.

  9. As a former smoker, I totally agree with your reaction and supports your argument! I don’t if you have ever smoked, but you will find out the most virulent anti-smokers are former ones!
    Good on you, mate!

  10. Nolimits,
    Thanks for coming by. I’ll be back to your website, we have much to discuss. Smoking with the fan, doesn’t work, smokers think so, but I really doesn’t. He actually slow down a great deal, surprise.. ya me too..

    Dragonlife, aka Robert
    Also, thanks for stopping by. Virulent anti-smokers are the best, I swear they are.

  11. Awesome post, I loved the speech! haha 🙂
    Smokin’ is definatley one of those things that you gotta keep to yourself if you wanna do it.

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