Turn Off The Gaydar

Ok folks it 2007, You were wrong about Y2k, WMD’s and Sanjaya, so that means your ability to tell if someone is gay or not, is most likely out of whack.  You never know these days, and people need to stop using all of these superfical ways of tring to tell if someone if gay or not.

Why the topic.. There this new person and work and people are all wondering if he’s gay or not. They run with the smallest shred of evidence, either for his straightness or gayness.. He invited guys over to hang out. I saw him at this restaurant alone. He’s watches this show.. Frankly I’m just tired of their catty games and gossip. SHHHESH, I’m the youngest one here, my co-workers need to grow up.

Personally I’ve been directly asked once before, and it pissed me off, not so much that I was asked, but the person that asked me, flat out said he didn’t believe me. I’ve been asked indirectly once as well , by a female, who was attending a birthday with me. The birthday was a gay co-worker I used to work with.  I said something and she fired back, with “Oh you’re not gay”, she had just assumed that all the boys invited were gay.–But several people have told me that they thought I was gay, until they got to know me alot better, partly in-due by my over hyper personality and by the fact I talk with my hands.

 I’m sorta ambivalent about the issue.  On one hand, I think people should flat out ask people if they are gay or not, instead of assuming or superficially judging a person. But in defense, think people just have the tact to ask anything, instead of making assumption really. Better to know, than let’s rumors spread though… People like Brian(another blogger) says his co-workers call him names like homo, (in a non mean-way) since he has come out at work, but it still sorta bothers him.

On the other, side, I don’t think it’s anyone’s real business of what one does in the bedroom.  How does that affect anything really, especially in the work, school setting or just being friends?  Let’s not hide behind the fact that most people treat gay people differently.  I’ve seen people change the way they treat people once their sexuality has been disclose. Welcoming the question opens up the door to unforeseen situations. 

Do you think it’s okay for one person to ask another person if they are gay or not?  Is is really an important factor that must be known? What do all of you think?


21 Responses

  1. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to pry into another person’s personal choice. People love to gossip and are quick to criticize someone else’s life when they should look at their own life. They are so quick to tear someone’s house down when their own home, i.e. state of consciousness is in ruins. If the person wants you to know they will tell you, besides it’s not whether they’re gay or not that should make a difference, it’s what kind of people they are.

  2. If someone walked up to me and asked, “So…..are you into men?” , I’d look at them like they had an extra backside growing out of their forehead.

    Seriously. Crossing the boundaries of polite society just to pacify the gosspips isn’t the answer.

    WHEN WILL we evolve to such a point where we just recognize that each of us is a sexual being – and leave the details out of it? That’s SO 20th century.

    🙂 Great topic, Justin!

  3. I sure cant tell, and I would not ask. Who cares. But thats just me. I have the same kind of stuff at my work. When these conversations start up, I just walk away. I just dont get it. Why all the fuss? It has no inpack on the job.
    It was funny though, when I first got divorced, I cut my hair really short, started waring pants more offten, and I did have people wonder about me. “Have you swiched to the other side?”, an ass hole asked me. I just laugh in his face, “and what if I did? Non of your business.”
    People contiually amaze me.

  4. Justin,
    To answer your question, the only time I think that this would maybe be an appropriate question is if you were asking this person out on a date. Even then, I don’t really think one should ask this question. If you are interested in a date, simply ask for the date, if the person is not into you for whatever reason they will tell you so.
    It is a shame that people think that one’s sexual orientation is a point of concern or a valid subject to gossip about.
    Who cares!
    Good article! You have many people think.

  5. I get this all the time. People tell me I must be gay. I take no offense to it. Actually, I have a lot of fun with it. For example, I’ll just grab another man’s ass for the heck of it so they think I am gay. It scares them. And that is fun to me.

    As for this wondering out there, well, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. But if it’s people talking then it will happen regardless.

    In other words, people love their gossip. Try to take that away from them and they’ll chew your legs off right at the kneecap. Sometimes the ankle. Depends on what topic of gossip is taken away really.

  6. Your problem, Justin, is you are black. Most whites don’t realize that a STRAIGHT black man can dress well, be suave, dance and not look like a white tool (such as me.) So when an uninformed white person sees you getting your, um, “groove” on, uninformed white person thinks you are gay.

    And just because I have sex with men doesn’t make me gay, it’s just helpin’ out.

  7. @Alexya, first of all thanks for the blogroll. Yes the value should be placed on the person not their sexuality.

    Grace, Thanks for officially stopping by the blog. I don’t know how long it will take for the mentality of society to evolve to that level.

    Seanbe-Thanks for sharing that bit. Keep giving it to them.

    Mark– I agree. IF you were asking someone out on date, then yes the question would be valid and within reason.

    Sean- I think that’s pretty cool dude. LOL..sometimes an ankle..

    Whore–You’re killing me. You’re right an articulate, well dressed and cultured black man, will always be assumed to be gay.

  8. Great topic, Justin… You have me really considering what I would do. So, my answer is me speaking from a personal friendship perspective and not from a work place perspective.

    Normally, I make it a point not to ask really personal questions like that because I feel that the person will disclose personal information if/when they are comfortable enough to confide in me.

    I have tried to sound really politically correct here, but the fact is that I “would” be curious but I know that I would not treat the person differently. I have had a few gay friends pass through my life and I find their perspective refreshing. If I have a friendship with someone and still do not know if they were gay, and I was curious, I might just ask; but only if I felt that in doing so would not ruin the friendship.

  9. Unless your work involves sleeping with someone, why does their sexuality matter in the workplace?

    Leave well enough alone and if they want you to know, they will tell you.

    (Of course, this is coming from someone with her own sexual secret!)

    Brian, the blogger you mentioned, has a great quote on his blog – “If same sex marriage offends you, don’t marry someone of the same sex.” (Wanda Sykes)

    So, bottom line, leave people alone. Unless you are sleeping with them.

  10. Frankly speaking, although I’m straight as an arrow, I don’t give a damn!
    I have many friends who are gay, bisexual, male or females. Although I have different inclinations, it bears no influence on my relations whatsoever.
    I don’t ask. Period. If they want to confide, fine. But like religion, personal sexual tastes are private and should stay so!
    I tend to agree with Naughty Heather, do I not?
    A happy agnostic hedonist,

  11. Question is, if I didn’t ask if you were gay, and made a pass at you anyway, would you beat me up?

  12. I wondered that myself–it wouldn’t bother me if a guy made a pass at me, but I suspect it would bother many men with violent response.

    But maybe just asking would do the same.

    On a slightly different note, where I live if you are gay it will mean less advancement at work, prejudice at just about every turn and no business if you own a business. So, most of my gay friends keep it a secret from all but their closest friends.

    Being straight and accepting them has given them much needed honesty. So I can see that asking–in the right context–could be a good thing. But it’s pretty touchy.

  13. @ Adrian, I would never beat you up. While the site of blood and guts excite me, I’m a sweetheart.

    @Whore… was that a serious comment from whore..Rereads again.. Seriously, that’s pretty sad about your area and peopple having to live in the closet.. Then again I live in the Bible Belt, not the most gay friendly places either..

  14. I think somehow my redhead and I exude some kind of “acceptance of homosexuality” vibe. People we’ve never talked to before come out to us like they’ve known us for years. I don’t really get it, but I’m glad they do.

    Then we condemn them to hell.

    Just kidding.

  15. I have to agree with everyone’s comments so far but a really evil thought occurred to me. If someone asked you this question, you can honestly answer it and say “but you know, I’ve heard that about you. Is that why you asked? I’m flattered but no, thanks. ”

    Of course, I get a lot of hits on my website from people trying to figure out if a certain host of “what not to we@r” is gay or not and I’ve never discussed it. I actually addressed that in one of my posts recently.

  16. Speaking from a “gay” persons point of view. I have never really been bothered by people asking me if i happen to be gay or not. I answer honestly, because frankly, i am not afraid too. I dont nessecarily think its an important factor to know, however, it is a major part of who that person is if they are homosexual. In the age that we happen to be living in today…it shouldnt matter. People use “gay”, and “fag” around me all the time, and ive never taken offence to it and i am open about my sexuality. It all depends how a person reacts to everything, if a person is a major closet-case, they are going to be offended…and if theyre not then it doesnt matter. It is a great topic, without an answer really. No one can really predict what someone is going to ask or what someone is going to answer.

  17. @Lori–Thanks for stopping by.. Long time.. I’m guilty too, I still read though. That’s a funny comeback I think everyone was wondered about that host.

    @Chelsea– Thanks for sharing a bit of YOU with us. Thanks for your honesty. You make a great point about uncloseted people not caring. Sometime its the consequences that follow that question that makes even the most openly gay person, regret being asked..

  18. Good topic Justin. It’s surreal how people think they are somehow observant and have gaydar. The real reason people do this is so they can seem like they have keen powers of judgement. If they call someone gay and then the person turns out to be gay they can say “Oh I knew he was gay haha im the shit”.

    Honestly, who cares? It’s schoolyard stuff to be questioning peoples sexuality like that. A lot of times comments are motivated by jealousy about how comfortable you seem with yourself, how well dressed you are, how good looking you are… etc.

    I’ve had people call me gay and metrosexual numerous times and to me it’s like thanks man, i’m glad you like my style. So do the ladies.

    Visit http://www.nolimitzentertainment.wordpress.com for uncensored discussion and review of videogames, movies, babes, music, books, gadgets and anything else which entertains

  19. Wow nice topic mate.. you pretty much know my views on all this having been the subject of such rumors and innuendo. To the point where I had to come out to my boss and ultimately people i work with. Did it change the way I was treated you bet it did, some people now simply wont talk to me others walk away when i get near. In my case it was not something I wanted to do but was something I was forced into. Gossip about your sexuality hurts and people should grow the hell up.


  20. forget to leave a link to my site… if you could add that to my comment id appreciate it justin. http://www.nolimitzentertainment.wordpress.com for uncensored discussion and review of videogames, movies, babes, music, books, gadgets and anything else which entertains

  21. NLE,
    Sure buddy not a problem.. It would help man, if you added the link in your profile so people could just click your name on the left, when you leave a comment..

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