OK, I’m sure by the end of this rant, someone is going to call PETA(if not they will with the taxidermy post a month from now). I’m not an animal hater, by any means(FREE WILLY!!! and not that Willy either you perv), and Ive always been okay with hunting to a certain extent. Sure its not MY favorite past time, but its a respectable sports when people follow the rules and laws. But from this day forth, I AM all about some deer hunting. Hunters have my permission to kill every Deer, doe, buck etc. they see. Shoot and kill them now, right now. In fact come down to Northern Florida and I will lead you to the mother load.
Let me recap for you one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. This past weekend, I drove in what had to be the most deer infested woodsy area in existence. On my way to this guy’s house, I encountered 8 deer,with addition to it being cold, damp and dark, lets just say I’ve had better days. So I slow up with the driving, (I’m doing 20 in a 45), because frankly I don’t want to hit a deer, or as we like to say, “You don’t hit deer, they hit you”. So on the way back from this guys house, I see 15 deer(23 total, thus far) before I’m within miles of the highway. I”m mean these SOBs are coming out of the woods, running over the road, some are standing in the fields; just waiting. I’m thinking that as soon as I drive by they are going to dart out and hit my new car(2007 Honda Accord :)). I’m breathing heavy, I’m driving slow, again not the best of times in the car. The highway is near I can almost taste it…
But now for the Grand Finale; The Deer Sandwich. So 2 deer run across the road directly in front of me, but there’s enough distance that I’m not worried. But then they stop once the cross.. So I stopped, and then behind, what looked like another deer(26) emerged from the woods. So at the moment it looks like I’m sandwich in between a set of deer. I’m freaking out by now, cause this is starting to feel like the Ring 2. I honked and flashed and these deer couldn’t be shaken. So what’s a guy to do… I did what any other young masculine man would do…. I rolled the window, and screamed like a little girl. I figured if the windowing-shattering shrieks of panic didn’t scare them away, I am just doomed. Hmmm there’s something about a baritone pitched screaming man, that sends, fear into hearts of the deer alike.
Sooo.. All you deer hunter out there, I will never again mock, the camo, orange hats, pick up trucks with rifles, and /or 4 wheelers with shotguns attached(ok that’s a maybe on those). Kill those Bambis, you have my Blessing.
Now does anyone know where I can get a good deal on some Calvins???