Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

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22 Responses

  1. Awe Justin… You know, this holds true for Nice Girls, too. Men want to be with women who treat them bad, yet they want to marry “nice” girls. So us “nice” girls have to wait until the man is ready to settle down. I mean, there I was back in the 90’s watching everyone around me hook up with guys (for various purposes), and me… all I could do was watch them. I was definitely thinking to myself of how, if given the chance, good I’d treat a guy who asked me to go steady. For dating, guys wanted the “bad girls”.

    I’m so sad that you were treated badly. Does it feel as if the innocence is gone? I think it’s possible for someone to stay innocent, or I should say, to INSIST on staying innocent even after having their eyes torn wide open. I think it’s a matter of how we choose our perspective… it’s a decision. Could this be what you are describing about your evolution? Just asking. Maybe I should be asking you “In what ways you think you’ve changed?”

  2. Personally, I just find NGs boring. I can always predict what they will say and do. It just gets dull.

  3. Personally, I think that people should not look to others to give them excitement. When we depend on someone else for our happiness (in whatever form) and they do not meet our expectations, it’s a major misplaced disappointment. If we take responsibility for our own happiness, then everything else that comes our way is a pleasant surprise and we can truly appreciate it a lot more than if we expect it from someone.

    My ex-husband found that out. Unfortunately, he is still finding it out, over a decade later, he has expectations of people and they cannot possibly live up to them.. and I’m not just talking about the women he dates. Isn’t it much better to experience people just as they are? Yes, life is full of boring moments, but also full of surprises.

  4. Justin-
    You summed it up perfectly – we really do want a nice guy with an edge. A man who will open the door for me and shower me with love and attention but not be opposed to spanking me later.

    Uhm, you know, theoretically speaking.
    🙂

    Heather

  5. I just LOVE nice guys, but I don’t love walkovers. There are hardly any nice guys on this side of the pond.
    At the end of the day, it’s all about respect. And kindness.
    🙂

  6. DM,

    I’ve grown a great deal in the past couple of months. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to rethink your approaches. I know now that you can’t always project the image of yourself on to people that you would like. And failing to do so, doesn’t change who you are. I know now It’s okay to be forceful yet respectful. It’s taken a long time for me to realize that sometimes looking out for your self first, isn’t being mean or selfish.

  7. Wolfshowl,

    Thanks for visiting the blog. Why does it get dull? Because its get predictable? Heard it all before?

    M&M,
    Yeah NG with an edge seems to be working very well.

    Miss Norty,
    Thanks for stopping by the blog. I’ll be sure to send some NG’s your way.

  8. Justin… I know what you mean… I think it’s good to put yourself first when it’s really important to you. I mean, there are times when you could go either way, but there are other times when you simply must put yourself first. I understand that.

    Learning to be respectfully forceful is a definitely milestone. There are those who can pull it off pretty well and others who can’t. I am one of those who doesn’t always carry it off well; but do manage to put myself first when I need to… like now. I am very selfish about making sure I get my “alone” time. It’s the one thing that I’m adamant about.

  9. Nice title for the post 🙂

    And you know what else, nice guys are really hard to find 😉 Most of them are already “taken” !

  10. Justin,
    I enjoy visiting your blog. Thanks for the question. It’s not that NGs are predictable….Bad Boys are too, to a certain extent. It’s that they aren’t passionate. Also, NGs expect me to be a traditional gal, and I’m not. If you’re with a NG and have to be that way, it gets boring. BBs are supportive of me being an independent, outspoken woman. NGs have a tendency when you fight to let the woman walk all over you and just apologize. BBs yell fight right back. It’s great because in the end you come to understand each other better. A NG just sitting there listening to what you say doesn’t lead to the two of you growing together.
    In the end, you can reign a BB in a bit, but you can’t make a NG interesting.

  11. You don’t really want to know what I think here. It would make everybody mad.

  12. OH YOU TEASE… come one, please feel free, you can’t piss off anyone more than you already have..

  13. […] know what I’m talking about, you can read some of these rants from bitter ex-nice guys: Why Nice Guys Finish Last Nice Guys Finish Last, Assholes finish with time to spare ! “What Happened to All the Nice […]

  14. […] instinct tells me that this could actually go somewhere.  I also read Justin’s “Why Nice Guys Finish Last” and tried to put his Ideas into motion.  (Thank you Justin you pretty much summed […]

  15. Interesting how labels confine many of us to be one way or the other. Labels like “nice guy” limit our thinking and the perceptions of others. I know what you are saying about NG.s, I have lived that all of my life. The great news is that as women mature, they begin to learn that going after the dangerous, outwardly exciting guy is not as appealing as it first seems and they begin to hunger for someone who is nice, who will be there to respect and take care of them. Don’t get so hung up on the label, be you and in the end you will rise to the top.

  16. Why ask why?

    Just accept the fact the Nice Guy always Finishes Last, and proceed accordingly.

    Your life will proceed much more smoothly and you’ll get more chicks than you can handle.

  17. Dunga,

    Thanks for stopping by the blog. Nice point, I think some people, perfer to make their own fate, rather than just accepting it.

    Justin

  18. I say keep the niceness, but let go of the neediness..this is what turns people off.

  19. nice guys not only finish last, they eat the left-overs. When women get tired chasing bad-boys and when they give up that they will marry a bad-boy with loads of money they settle with a nice guy. Aaahh….guess where they are going to unload all their baggage and bitterness they have accumulated from the bad-boys. I will let you make a guess.

  20. Nice guys make good husbands who can cherish, love, spoil and take care of a woman, after she got tired running around with the bad boys. Nice guys often take care not only of the woman but also the kids she has from the bad boys. A nice guy has understanding if his wife decides to become a cougar, he makes an understanding cuckold. Nice guys offer a warm heart, a hearty smile, their wallet, a genuine listening to her nonsense, and more. Nice guys are the final port for a tired woman after her long journey of clubbing, partying and…….ing.

  21. I totally see where you are coming from. I was a nice guy once. Until I realized being nice was leading to an undesirable outcome (few chicks dig nice guys). So i made a choice to still be nice but be bad when needed. You might ask yourself when is being bad a good thing. Sometimes a women likes the door to be held for them other times they want you to slap her as in public. There are times when she may want a nice quite romantic setting. However when she gets in the car afterwards, Im willing to be she wants to have those tits sucked or that fussy licked. Beige a nice guy with an ‘edge’ allows me to have the best of both worlds. Also if a lady talks shit to you don’t be afraid to talk little shit back. This May benefit u later on.

  22. Women don’t want nice guys? Then they get just what they deserve.

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