When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN


Put Down Your Checklist.

I hope everyone had a happy Single’s Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. I’ve I had time to think and process most of the pre-V and post-V day conversations, feelings and emotions. I’ve come to realize that we have glamorized love and relationships to the point of absurdity. We have become so caught up in our personal checklists that, in an effort to find someone that has all of the requirements and standards, that we missing out on some really amazing people, experiences and feelings.

So I’m saying just stop over-thinking and over analysing people and situations. Stop being so picky and so defensive. Just let the feelings and emotions come and deal with them as they do. I’m not saying don’t guard yourself. There are things to talk about or consider before embarking on an emotional investment that you think will go past Lust. BUT don’t try to plan out the rest of your life from Day 1, things will happen.

It’s the imperfections that you fall in love with. It’s the annoying laughs, the nervous fidgeting, the way they play with their hair when they talk to you, the way they look at you when you smile, their weird eating concoctions and habits, their fanaticism with their favorite artist/band, their love for vintage tee, or the fact that they are 5 inches taller/shorter than you.

Instead of spending a lifetime searching for someone Prefect, you should look for someone perfect for you, and finding someone for you isn’t something you can get on day one, it’s something you grow into. It’s a journey, and adventure for two. If you don’t like getting dirrty(yes more than one r, didn’t Christina teach you anything) then you need to rethink your life, cause Love is messy. PERIOD.

So.. JUST LOVE.. Yourself…Them… Me…


Fun Friday:Cheating Joke


“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy busy?”   

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” 

  After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got
an Uncle Paul.”

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”   

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”   

“Okay Daddy, ! just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”  

 “And what happened honey?” he asked.   

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”   

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”   

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.                                 But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and! I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, ! “Swimming pool? . . .

Is this  486-5731?”

Shop Till You Drop!

The List

 Does your Grocery List look like this? If so you’re a Dude/Man/Husband.  Yahoo did a story on Monday about the tendency for men to become overwhelmed when shopping for food.

You know I have comments. I’ll sum it up for you.

  • Men do represent a large part of grocery shopping dollars and they aren’t being very well accommodated”. (not accommodated ,what do we need? sports logos and no bottom shelves?)
  • Many men have difficulty finding items, forego buying rather than risk purchasing a substitute for an item(reading is fundamental, normally a similar item is located right next to the one that’s missing)
  • Male shoppers typically focus more on convenience than price(just depends)
  • men tend to hone in on the specific thing they want to buy instead of surveying the entire aisle, they are great with item they have purchased before, but it’s the new items.(How can you ever feel comfortable with buying a repeated item, if you never buy it to begin with).

Okay seriously, guys, is shopping that serious. On my list of hard things to do, grocery shopping is clearly right up there with, constructing rocket ships and brain surgery. Overwhelmed by the crowds yes, the lines yes, the delicious food samples, oh yes, but the actual shopping…

Is it that hard to price match and price compare? You look at the weight or the count and you look at the price. Can I save more by buying more?, Do I use a lot of this? Is this a good deal? It almost becomes second nature. You buy what you need, what you want, what you don’t need, and what you might need. LOL.

My favorite quote from the the article, was this “One guy thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown in the cereal aisle”. That’s funny. I do admit there are a number of options, but seriously are you kidding me? There are more aisles and items at Home Depot and Lowe’s, but you feel that 13-15 relatively small aisles in comparison is way to difficult to manage and navigate through. There are more nails lengths and types than cereal brands, and that’s just half of 1 aisle at HD.
Are retailers offering to much? If women can handle it, why can’t men? Do men find it difficult, because they don’t get enough practice?

I’m single, so I have to do all the shopping for me, or I won’t eat. It doesn’t seems at all difficult to me. I know I’m an only child, and we are usually independent, regardless. Everyone is free to comment, but I would like to call out some individuals. I’m asking all my coupled men out there; Sean, Whore, Mark do you have a hard time in the grocery stores? Do you not grocery shop at all because of this? Are you just the warm body that picks up the forgotten items on the way home?

To my coupled ladies; Heather, and DM, are your guys as helpless as a tipped over cow? Do you even let them grocery shop at all?

Have a great Hump day…

An Affair?, You’re Married!!!

The people are real, the places are real, the post is real. I was hit-on/came-on to by a semi-co-worker. She works with us, but she’s at an axillary site, 40 miles away, so we only see her from time to time. This is not an ordinary,come-on, as physical contact was involved. First the woman is 45 (beautiful, blond, maybe even MILF, level to some). Second alcohol was involved(she was the only one drinking). Thirdly, we are in the midst of a conference in Tenn, which of course is just the interracial couple safe heaven that anyone could hope for.

The conference for whatever reason, had a open bar. Sara(not her real name) started hitting the Gin and Tonic’s pretty heavy. After a few of those we make it to dinner and she’s still hitting the Gin and Tonics. I order a rum and pineapple juice and maybe drink half of it. Sara proceeds to finish it off for me. Our group, 4 ladies + Justin, walk back to the hotel. Two of the older ladies go up to bed, as the time is now 9:30PM. Sara wants to hang out in the Hotel Bar, and Ellen(not her real name), Sara and I, sit at the bar, and just chat. Okay, so Sara is already pretty toasty, and over the next hour gulps down another 4 Gin and Tonics. At which, I say ” Hey, I think that’s enough for tonight, I’m tired” Ellen agrees, but guess who doesn’t? I look her in the face, and say “I can not participate any longer, the big rectangle upstairs, will humor you all night long”. Ellen and I, guide Sara upstairs. I drop them off, and head to my room…

I walk down to my room and within five minutes, I get a phone call from Ellen, Sara’s bunk buddy, and she says “Sara is heading down to your room”. I run and stick my head out of the door and sure enough, Sara is heading down the hall towards my direction (mentally cussing doesn’t count right?!). She knocks and I open the door for her, clearly drunk she walks around the room, flopping down on the bed. She like “Hey cutie, let’s go find another bar”. I’m like “Sara, you don’t need anything else to drink”. She wiggles on the bed and gets up and walks over to me and kisses me(clearly didn’t see it coming) and I back away. I sit her back on the bed, and say, “come on lets go back to your room”. She stands up and says, “I’m 45 you’re 23, can you handle that?”. I’m at lost for words. I’m like “no I can’t”. (DID I MENTION THIS LADY”S OLDEST SON IS 21). She’s says ” I can”. She laying and wiggling on the bed. I’m thinking I have got to get this lady outta my room. So I pick up the phone book and pretend to look up bars. I tell her, that’s here’s one close to the hotel. I convince her to get up and start moving again. My plan was to take her back to her room and just leave her there, but once we get back to her room, she won’t stay in there. So I tell Ellen, that I’m just going to take her outside for a bit of air, all the mean time, assuring Sara, we were going to another bar.

Well at this point, I decided to take Sara outside for some fresh air. I had to get her out of my room. Well we make it outside, and just begin walking around outside the hotel. We cross the street and see a bench. We sit for a moment, and then she’s back to being all over me. Her hands are going everywhere. I gently shove her off and motion for her to get up. As we are walking, she’s grabbing my butt and has her hand on my shoulder. She keeps saying, “You know what I want. We just keep walking. We spot a bar maybe two blocks down, and Lord knows I’m not taking her there. I sorta turn her around and say “it’s getting late let’s go back”. I’m thinking some of the alcohol has got to be wearing off by now. As we’ll walking she nibbling on my neck and I’m pushing her off. Let’s take a moment and visualize for a moment, now. Older white women, young black male, lovie duvie, late night in Chattanooga,–NOT the perfect snap shot if you get what I’m saying.

So we approach the the hotel’s side entrance. She stops and leans up against the wall and I’m thinking, what now. She says, “do, me, right here right now, and proceeds to spread her legs(THANK GOD, she’s wearing pants). I look at her like she’s lost her mind. I reply with “Sara, umm NO, one you’re married, (looking at the cameras) two, we are outside the Marriott and I will NOT be on Dateline because of you. NOW let’s go. I hold the door and she proceeds to enter the hotel and we make it to the elevator. For what ever design reason, the glass elevator there has this long bar running in the middle of it. Sara proceeds to put one leg up on one side, and the other leg on the other,(THANK GOD, again she’s wearing pants), and falls flat on her butt. I help her up and proceed to nudge her to her room. We knock and another co-work comes the door, I gently push her in, and say..”I’m done, don’t you let her out of this room” Ellen, responds with a head nod and says don’t worry and asks if I’m okay. I shake my head and turn to walk away. The doors slams and I hear the locks and bolts beings turned, and faintly in the background I hear Ellen, yelling “Get up out of the TUB and get in the bed..

Sara doesn’t remember anything really in the morning. Which for me was just fine, as I didn’t want things to feel awkward.  I feel sorry for her in way.  Things must not be well at home, for her to be so loose and carefree about having an affair. I know the alcohol was doing most of the talking, but still.  Could have been a lot worst..

Does this sorta of thing happen often? How would you have handle this? Would you taken the “opportunity” at hand? What does this say about marriage and being faithful?

I’ll Pay You To Have My Baby!

“I want a kid, but I don’t want to adopt. I want a kid, but I don’t want the stresses of a relationship”.. This is what was said to me this weekend. As you can see my conversations are never normal (why do these people attract to me lol) Are today’s 20 and 30-something men, paying surrogates to bear their children? With a little digging I’ve discovered that, yes there seems to be a growing trend emerging. Either from excessive sour relationships, being stood up at the alter, or just ultra independence, whatever the case, today’s gentlemen are becoming Dads, and embracing the new motto: No Wife, No Problem!!

So exactly how much is this going to cost me? The cost of surrogate birth, including legal and medical fees comes to a staggering 95-K 125k. Let’s see how this is broken down: buying eggs, up to 50K depending on the donor’s looks, education, and professional achievement; 15K for vitro fertilization of a man’s sperm; 30K for hiring a young woman who will allow the embryo to be implanted in her uterus. The paying of donors for certain attributes, worries me… What attributes are you willing to pay for; blue eyes, green eyes, blond hair, and what does that say about the attribute?? Does that mean certain colors or flavors are better than others? Are we going to start “race” selecting our children?–Nazi engineering anyone, anyone at all?, oh just me? Riiight? manbaby.jpg

The US is one of the few countries in which paid surrogacy is legal. It depends on the state though. It’s legal in Maryland, but iilegal in DC. So now you have father-hopeful jumping state lines just in hopes of having a child. The artificial reproductive technology is a 3-billion-a-year industry in the US alone(who knew!!!). You would think there would be much more regulations, but there isn’t. Some guys are getting the short end of the stick. There have been cases where, after giving birth, some woman have won custody battles to keep the children. (I don’t see that happens, just put the farther’s name on the birth certificate only..duhhhh) Other cases involve men paying for eggs and then the women, have problems getting pregnant. That’s a lousy way to blow 7500 bucks. I know some of you are thinking what kind of people do these sorts of things. There’s a much high demand for these unions. All it takes is a decently wealthy man, and a willing fertile female. Often times young married couples are in such need of money, that they are willing to do this. That’s the kicker, in most cases these aren’t single men, paying single women to bear children, the women are generally married and range from 21-35.(mind blowing I know)

Guys, let’s talk for a moment. Has it really come down to this? There are better things to spend money on, seriously. I mean sure relationships are something that require alot of work, time an effort. Raising a kid is a big deal, and while yes, women have been doing it “by themselves” for years, I’m sure not ny choice… I want a wife and two kids and whole works, life would be just to boring without it, I think. As mush as I like my independence, I don’t think I could/would want to raise a child alone.

Are men crossing social and genetics boundaries that they shouldn’t? Should society be doing things like this? Will growing up mommy-less from birth have a greater effect on children than we can expect? So what do you all think?

PS. It feels good to be back!!!(NO MORE TRAVELING)…atleast for a while.

Keep Her: 7 Ways to Keep Your Girl

This is the sister post to Keep Him: 7 Way to Keep Your Guy. By Popular demand, :),. Here is a GENERAL list of things you can do, to keep things things together. Similar to the last list, the order is not important here, just a list. Enjoy

1. Understand Feminine Needs: I guess you’re wondering what do I mean by feminine needs.I’m not just talking about tampons and leggings. I mean understand it is going to take her longer in the bathroom(lines and clothing). Understand that perhaps she could be a little more emotional. That she may cry for no apparent reason. Understand that she likes things explained to her in detail(thanks MOM) or that she is going to tell you things, in perhaps greater detail than you want. Be patient and listen. Understand about other female products etc. Understand that sometime she just wants to be held, and cuddle. I’m sure that N. Heather will comment on OTHER feminine needs. I’ll leave that to her. 🙂

2. Give Her Girl Time– Similar to GUY TIME. Women need girl time, just as much. Give her time to hangout and socialize with the ladies. Maybe it’s going to a chick flick, a salon, or shopping at the mall, whatever the activity is, let her partake in it without too much hassle. Above all, trust her, if she and the girls decide to go out on the town. Too many guys worry about other guys hitting on their ladies, especially when they aren’t around. I think some dudes, just need to chill out. Be faithful to each other and things will last.

3. Complement Her: Give a woman a reason to smile. Tell her how beautiful, how smart, how sweet she is, when she at-least expects it, and above all when she deserves it. There’s a thick line between flattery and genuine words of praise. Especially now in the sex driven society we live. Ensure her that she surpasses what the Media portrays as sexy and pretty, by just being herself and that she’s wonderful the way she is. Let her know she doesn’t have to Runway thin, tall etc, to be HOT. Let her know that’s it okay being who she is.

4. Protect Her: I don’t entirely mean physically. I mean protect her from situations and events. Check her oil, walk her to her car, check in the closet and under the bed for evil hateful BiTc.. I mean monsters. Above all protect her form herself, I think that women are over critical of themselves. Don’t let down herself, and be sure to watch her self-esteem. Also protect and stand up for her. Be assertive when she can’t or when she feels uncomfortable. Stand behind your woman.

5. Take Her Shopping:I’m not going to stereotype here and say all women like shopping. Shopping in this example can be substituted, but makes the most sense, once you read. Instead of giving woman money to go and do things, go along with her and help her make choices. In the case of shopping, GO with her. Sure you may not understand the difference between the types of skirts, or shoes, but you’re find out things about your woman you never knew. You’ll find out how she thinks, how she sees her self, her insecurities or prides and such. Learn and observe and help her. Shopping isn’t limited to clothing, what about food. Tag along and help her shop for groceries. Pick out things that both of you will enjoy later. Don’t make her do all the grunt work.

6. Connect With Her Emotionally: As guys, we are supposed to be hard shells; no crying, no emotion, stern, unaffected. Don’t be afraid to open up to your woman. Show her that under the greasy hair, the muscle and the scent of Old Spice that you are real, that’ you’re human too. It’ll do you both some good, but It’ll show her that you do care some level about being intimate. I’m not saying you have to flood the place with tears, just share, concerns, fears, dreams and hopes with her.

7. Listen to Her Voice. I’ve seen it several times, where the male in the relationship, does all the talking, tall the decision making, etc. Listen to your woman, I’m sure she has something to say both literally and abstractly. I’m sure that she’s about something, she stands for something. Give her a chance to speak her mind, and hold her peace. Don’t strip her of identity. You should be able to “Hear” your woman’s voice in a room filled with hundreds of women.

Guys, Girls, Feel free to add to this post.

While these things are done with a light heart and mild intentions. I hope that everyone can find something here, to be of some aid, evn if it is just a daily chuckle.