Jealousy

When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

Keep Him: 7 Ways to Keep Your Guy!!

So you have a guy, and now, the objective is to keep him.  Here’s some helpful advice. The following items have not been ranked in any order. These are things that’ I’ve gathered from experience, from myself, or friends etc.  Here are the things that you can do to keep things going steady and to make sure he’s stays into you.

1. Give Him Guy Time:  There is nothing like male bonding. It’s the bases for the male existence. Allow him a some time to spend with the fellas.  Watching a game, playing a game of basketball, poker, a night out on the down, the Star Wars convention, or a round of paintball.  Let him have his “Buddy time”.   Fratnizing with the boys, is how we adapt socially to a lot of things. It’s our comfort zone. It helps us functions, it sorta ties in with #2.

2. Bolster Masculinity.  Hey, guy’s egos are fragile and they break easy, right DM.  Sometime he just needs a little boost, especially from the love of his life that he’s doing a good job. A reminder that he’s doing a good job, with being the “MAN” in the relationship.  Simple comments or just a pat on the back will do the trick. You’d be surprised how far ” I’m glad I have you to walk me to my car” can go.. Trust ME.  The more we feel like a man, the better, even when we are wimping out.

3. Cook for Him.  Guys love it when  someone cooks food for them. I mean seriously, who doesn’t. Being creatures of laziness, we will never turn down the chance to eat food, especially free, especially, home-cooked. Above all, we love to eat, even the skinny ones. Fix his favorite dish, or surprise him completely with a nice little meal, or maybe just a snack, after a hard day. Hopefully he’ll return the favor too!!

4. Rub/Play With His Hair.  Seriously, this has got to be one of the most relaxing things in the world.(Okay, maybe this is MY personal preference, hehe)  Guys appreciate a girl that will, take the time to play with his hair, or any other soothing place on his body(keep it clean folks). It’s the little things like these, that we remember, that we hold special.

5. Invest Time In What He Likes.  Usually guys have a special quirk, or guilty pleasure that they like. Some like Sci-movies, or video-games, sports, or maybe puzzles or riddles, or making home movies.  Take the time once in a while and show interest, and even pretend if you have to.  Even is you can’t bring yourself to do this, then simply don’t give him a hard time about liking these things. I had a buddy, once, a football player, real huge tough guy, but he enjoyed painting. His girlfriend almost made him feel ashamed for painting. It was just a horrible situation. Support your guys, and they will support you back.

 6. Don’t Compare Him to Other Guys:  This stems from the ego. Please don’t compare your guy another guy. Don’t say things like, “Why can’t you be more like”.. Especially don’t do it in front of the guy that you are comparing him to.  He might not show it but, comments like these really get under a guy’s skin. If there are things that you would like your guy to improve on, there are ways to suggest these things, without embarrassing him. Be kind, be stern, be subtle. We will eventually get the hint.

7. Make Good With His Friends:  Okay, seriously. This is great advice. If the the relationship is just starting off, by all means, try your best to make sure his close friends like you, and if he has roommates, they take top priority. Personally right now I’m in a situation where my room-mate’s girlfriend, wouldn’t speak to me, when she was around the apartment. It caused a bunch a friction, and I confronted my room-mate on the issue. Look, guys are somewhat easily pressured and persuaded by other guys, especially friends. If you can’t make it with the guys, you’re going to be fighting the uphill battle. We will ragged and you tear you down, to the point where your guy will almost feel bad about dating you. Sometimes we do not show mercy. We aren’t jealous, that you’re taking him away from us, but you have to know that YOU can’t just blow us off, when you’re around.

 Good luck..

The Right V-Day Gift for the Right Girl

With Valentine’s Day approaching fast, I think it’s in order to give all my fellow guys some advice out there about picking the right gift, but more importantly for the right girl. The only thing more important than giving the right gift is.. is to NOT give the wrong gift. A perfect gift to one, is another’s worst nightmare. Here’s some Manly advice.

Type of Girl: The Romantic (loves hearts and angels etc)
What to Get Her: Something custom and personalized. A tee-shirt, purse, headband (if she wears them) Romantic girls want to know you were thinking of them, and the gift wasn’t last minute. Customization shows your took the time before hand to think about her.
What Not to Get:Anything typical, common or practical, ie Candy, Roses, BLAH

Type of Girl: The Professional (Eats, sleeps, and breathes work)
What to Get Her:Something work-friendly. Help her get organize and make time for you. Professionals are consumed by work, don’t make her feel guilty, by trying to give her something fun, implying she needs to relax, I’m sure she already knows, she just hasn’t penciled it in yet.
What Not to Get: Spa gift certificate. Her schedule is way to busy, you’ll just add more time crunching stress.

Type of Girl: The Wholesome, Nature Loving Bohemian (aka Hippie in denial)
What to Get Her:Something, cleansing, some thing pure, something organic. Bohemian, like to make points, and take stands on issues, stand by her, by showing your care what she cares about.
What Not to Get:No Coach, leather style bags, no fur or anything that could have been made in a sweatshop, GOT IT

Type of Girl: Super Active ( The running, jumping, sweating kind)
What to Get Her:A sporty jacket, fleece, etc. Something she’ll use and need constantly. Become in tune with her activities. Provide with gear, or maybe invite your self along with her.
What Not to Get:Anything too girly, and intimate.

Type of Girl:The Impersonator (Her style changes as her quickly as the Magazines do)
What to Get Her:Something that relates to the latest person or trend she’s following. It shows that you are interested in the things she likes, and have at-least been paying attention.
What Not To Get: Old trend, Common trend. Something from a regular department store.

Type of Girl: The Sex Kitten ( Need I say more)
What to Get Her: Something that you both can enjoy later(hint hint), or maybe just her.LOL
What Not to Get: Candy..It’ll ruin that figure, and the prompt the questions that every guy dreads..I am getting fat to you/ Does this make me look fat…

If I didn’t cover your type of girl, leave a comment, and I’ll send you some shopping advice. Ladies if I’m wrong on these, please by means correct me(us). It’s ALL FOR YOU.

** This message has not been pre-approved by any significant other**

Added 1/31/2007 By Request

Type of Girl: The Nester (Homebody, Domesitcated Diva)
What To Get Her: Scented candles, matching spray. Maybe Linens, towels, some home decor, or a new kitchen gadget. Also I would suggest, something crafty, especially something you all could do together, during nights or weekends.
What Not to Get Her: Jewerly, Clothing and most lingerie,. She doesn’t want to wear, she would rather create it lol.  Sta away from this that will disturpt the home environment she has created.