Put Down Your Checklist.

I hope everyone had a happy Single’s Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. I’ve I had time to think and process most of the pre-V and post-V day conversations, feelings and emotions. I’ve come to realize that we have glamorized love and relationships to the point of absurdity. We have become so caught up in our personal checklists that, in an effort to find someone that has all of the requirements and standards, that we missing out on some really amazing people, experiences and feelings.

So I’m saying just stop over-thinking and over analysing people and situations. Stop being so picky and so defensive. Just let the feelings and emotions come and deal with them as they do. I’m not saying don’t guard yourself. There are things to talk about or consider before embarking on an emotional investment that you think will go past Lust. BUT don’t try to plan out the rest of your life from Day 1, things will happen.

It’s the imperfections that you fall in love with. It’s the annoying laughs, the nervous fidgeting, the way they play with their hair when they talk to you, the way they look at you when you smile, their weird eating concoctions and habits, their fanaticism with their favorite artist/band, their love for vintage tee, or the fact that they are 5 inches taller/shorter than you.

Instead of spending a lifetime searching for someone Prefect, you should look for someone perfect for you, and finding someone for you isn’t something you can get on day one, it’s something you grow into. It’s a journey, and adventure for two. If you don’t like getting dirrty(yes more than one r, didn’t Christina teach you anything) then you need to rethink your life, cause Love is messy. PERIOD.

So.. JUST LOVE.. Yourself…Them… Me…

Hell.. JUST LOVE

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

Fun Friday:Cheating Joke

                                       “Hello?”

“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy busy?”   

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” 

  After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got
an Uncle Paul.”
  

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”   

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”   

“Okay Daddy, ! just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”  

 “And what happened honey?” he asked.   

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”   

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”   

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.                                 But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and! I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, ! “Swimming pool? . . .

Is this  486-5731?”

An Affair?, You’re Married!!!

The people are real, the places are real, the post is real. I was hit-on/came-on to by a semi-co-worker. She works with us, but she’s at an axillary site, 40 miles away, so we only see her from time to time. This is not an ordinary,come-on, as physical contact was involved. First the woman is 45 (beautiful, blond, maybe even MILF, level to some). Second alcohol was involved(she was the only one drinking). Thirdly, we are in the midst of a conference in Tenn, which of course is just the interracial couple safe heaven that anyone could hope for.

The conference for whatever reason, had a open bar. Sara(not her real name) started hitting the Gin and Tonic’s pretty heavy. After a few of those we make it to dinner and she’s still hitting the Gin and Tonics. I order a rum and pineapple juice and maybe drink half of it. Sara proceeds to finish it off for me. Our group, 4 ladies + Justin, walk back to the hotel. Two of the older ladies go up to bed, as the time is now 9:30PM. Sara wants to hang out in the Hotel Bar, and Ellen(not her real name), Sara and I, sit at the bar, and just chat. Okay, so Sara is already pretty toasty, and over the next hour gulps down another 4 Gin and Tonics. At which, I say ” Hey, I think that’s enough for tonight, I’m tired” Ellen agrees, but guess who doesn’t? I look her in the face, and say “I can not participate any longer, the big rectangle upstairs, will humor you all night long”. Ellen and I, guide Sara upstairs. I drop them off, and head to my room…

I walk down to my room and within five minutes, I get a phone call from Ellen, Sara’s bunk buddy, and she says “Sara is heading down to your room”. I run and stick my head out of the door and sure enough, Sara is heading down the hall towards my direction (mentally cussing doesn’t count right?!). She knocks and I open the door for her, clearly drunk she walks around the room, flopping down on the bed. She like “Hey cutie, let’s go find another bar”. I’m like “Sara, you don’t need anything else to drink”. She wiggles on the bed and gets up and walks over to me and kisses me(clearly didn’t see it coming) and I back away. I sit her back on the bed, and say, “come on lets go back to your room”. She stands up and says, “I’m 45 you’re 23, can you handle that?”. I’m at lost for words. I’m like “no I can’t”. (DID I MENTION THIS LADY”S OLDEST SON IS 21). She’s says ” I can”. She laying and wiggling on the bed. I’m thinking I have got to get this lady outta my room. So I pick up the phone book and pretend to look up bars. I tell her, that’s here’s one close to the hotel. I convince her to get up and start moving again. My plan was to take her back to her room and just leave her there, but once we get back to her room, she won’t stay in there. So I tell Ellen, that I’m just going to take her outside for a bit of air, all the mean time, assuring Sara, we were going to another bar.

Well at this point, I decided to take Sara outside for some fresh air. I had to get her out of my room. Well we make it outside, and just begin walking around outside the hotel. We cross the street and see a bench. We sit for a moment, and then she’s back to being all over me. Her hands are going everywhere. I gently shove her off and motion for her to get up. As we are walking, she’s grabbing my butt and has her hand on my shoulder. She keeps saying, “You know what I want. We just keep walking. We spot a bar maybe two blocks down, and Lord knows I’m not taking her there. I sorta turn her around and say “it’s getting late let’s go back”. I’m thinking some of the alcohol has got to be wearing off by now. As we’ll walking she nibbling on my neck and I’m pushing her off. Let’s take a moment and visualize for a moment, now. Older white women, young black male, lovie duvie, late night in Chattanooga,–NOT the perfect snap shot if you get what I’m saying.

So we approach the the hotel’s side entrance. She stops and leans up against the wall and I’m thinking, what now. She says, “do, me, right here right now, and proceeds to spread her legs(THANK GOD, she’s wearing pants). I look at her like she’s lost her mind. I reply with “Sara, umm NO, one you’re married, (looking at the cameras) two, we are outside the Marriott and I will NOT be on Dateline because of you. NOW let’s go. I hold the door and she proceeds to enter the hotel and we make it to the elevator. For what ever design reason, the glass elevator there has this long bar running in the middle of it. Sara proceeds to put one leg up on one side, and the other leg on the other,(THANK GOD, again she’s wearing pants), and falls flat on her butt. I help her up and proceed to nudge her to her room. We knock and another co-work comes the door, I gently push her in, and say..”I’m done, don’t you let her out of this room” Ellen, responds with a head nod and says don’t worry and asks if I’m okay. I shake my head and turn to walk away. The doors slams and I hear the locks and bolts beings turned, and faintly in the background I hear Ellen, yelling “Get up out of the TUB and get in the bed..

Sara doesn’t remember anything really in the morning. Which for me was just fine, as I didn’t want things to feel awkward.  I feel sorry for her in way.  Things must not be well at home, for her to be so loose and carefree about having an affair. I know the alcohol was doing most of the talking, but still.  Could have been a lot worst..

Does this sorta of thing happen often? How would you have handle this? Would you taken the “opportunity” at hand? What does this say about marriage and being faithful?

You Do the Math

Since Friday is a holiday, I’ll go ahead leave you with something for the weekend. I know I’m going to get lashes for this, but I thought it was sort of funny, sort of I say sort of.

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         ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

So About this New Ken Doll!!

Okay so yeah, I went home this weekend and visited the family. My little cousin was around and she was playing with her Barbie’s, and she asked me if I wanted to play with her. I looked at her like she had asked me the my last oatmeal raisin cookie, but with her prepubscent smile and with her puppy dog eyes, how could I say no. If I was going to play, I was going to be Ken, grill some meat or something darn it(hey it’s getting warm here and I’m always hungry). I told her to go get Ken, and she informed me he was tanning(I cracked a smile), and insisted that Ken had had enough tanning for today and was going to wrinkle up and get skin cancer. She fetched the doll and what she brought back wasn’t the Ken I knew. She brought back a demonic beast from the underworld. This was no man, this a gender confused little mini version of the Y-chromosome, with bad hair I might add.

I wasn’t shocked that Ken had been upgraded since I was a kid, but man, if this is a reflection of today’s men, what exactly are we projecting? I know Ken has never been the most umm rugged flavored of men, but when did Ken become so, well freak’in weird. Actually I want to know when the man got “real” hair.

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The 1980’s Ken doll that’s the one I remember. It was a dude, with stiff arms and legs, simple clothing (tee and shorts) and a slab of hair that didn’t move. Ken was simple and clean cut, even if he was a more less masculine version of the supper macho G.I. Joe. I don’t know what happen between 1988 and 2007 but man, the new Ken doll is almost scary. Pictured below is the latest version of Ken. Torn and destroyed low rise jeans, a wallet chain, a man bag, and some bling. It’s funny how even toys are starting to emulate the world around us.

But what exactly are they emulating? So if the Ken today is a reflection of today’s male, what exactly is expected of us?I mean, are we suppose to dress like this? Does the general male population actually dress “LIKE THIS”, I’d say no. While I will agree that some my dress similar, I don’t think this represents the current “Male” of society. I will admit I’m slightly metro, but I’m no where near this level. Sure there are huge changes in style, when comparing the old Ken dolls, but I feel at least those Ken’s, captured the essence of man, a little better than is current version. Can we get some cargo short and a polo, how about a vintage tee with some plaid shorts?
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What does that in turn, make young girls expect of boys? Will this be the new baseline for, the model man? What do you all think?

Keep Her: 7 Ways to Keep Your Girl

This is the sister post to Keep Him: 7 Way to Keep Your Guy. By Popular demand, :),. Here is a GENERAL list of things you can do, to keep things things together. Similar to the last list, the order is not important here, just a list. Enjoy

1. Understand Feminine Needs: I guess you’re wondering what do I mean by feminine needs.I’m not just talking about tampons and leggings. I mean understand it is going to take her longer in the bathroom(lines and clothing). Understand that perhaps she could be a little more emotional. That she may cry for no apparent reason. Understand that she likes things explained to her in detail(thanks MOM) or that she is going to tell you things, in perhaps greater detail than you want. Be patient and listen. Understand about other female products etc. Understand that sometime she just wants to be held, and cuddle. I’m sure that N. Heather will comment on OTHER feminine needs. I’ll leave that to her. 🙂

2. Give Her Girl Time– Similar to GUY TIME. Women need girl time, just as much. Give her time to hangout and socialize with the ladies. Maybe it’s going to a chick flick, a salon, or shopping at the mall, whatever the activity is, let her partake in it without too much hassle. Above all, trust her, if she and the girls decide to go out on the town. Too many guys worry about other guys hitting on their ladies, especially when they aren’t around. I think some dudes, just need to chill out. Be faithful to each other and things will last.

3. Complement Her: Give a woman a reason to smile. Tell her how beautiful, how smart, how sweet she is, when she at-least expects it, and above all when she deserves it. There’s a thick line between flattery and genuine words of praise. Especially now in the sex driven society we live. Ensure her that she surpasses what the Media portrays as sexy and pretty, by just being herself and that she’s wonderful the way she is. Let her know she doesn’t have to Runway thin, tall etc, to be HOT. Let her know that’s it okay being who she is.

4. Protect Her: I don’t entirely mean physically. I mean protect her from situations and events. Check her oil, walk her to her car, check in the closet and under the bed for evil hateful BiTc.. I mean monsters. Above all protect her form herself, I think that women are over critical of themselves. Don’t let down herself, and be sure to watch her self-esteem. Also protect and stand up for her. Be assertive when she can’t or when she feels uncomfortable. Stand behind your woman.

5. Take Her Shopping:I’m not going to stereotype here and say all women like shopping. Shopping in this example can be substituted, but makes the most sense, once you read. Instead of giving woman money to go and do things, go along with her and help her make choices. In the case of shopping, GO with her. Sure you may not understand the difference between the types of skirts, or shoes, but you’re find out things about your woman you never knew. You’ll find out how she thinks, how she sees her self, her insecurities or prides and such. Learn and observe and help her. Shopping isn’t limited to clothing, what about food. Tag along and help her shop for groceries. Pick out things that both of you will enjoy later. Don’t make her do all the grunt work.

6. Connect With Her Emotionally: As guys, we are supposed to be hard shells; no crying, no emotion, stern, unaffected. Don’t be afraid to open up to your woman. Show her that under the greasy hair, the muscle and the scent of Old Spice that you are real, that’ you’re human too. It’ll do you both some good, but It’ll show her that you do care some level about being intimate. I’m not saying you have to flood the place with tears, just share, concerns, fears, dreams and hopes with her.

7. Listen to Her Voice. I’ve seen it several times, where the male in the relationship, does all the talking, tall the decision making, etc. Listen to your woman, I’m sure she has something to say both literally and abstractly. I’m sure that she’s about something, she stands for something. Give her a chance to speak her mind, and hold her peace. Don’t strip her of identity. You should be able to “Hear” your woman’s voice in a room filled with hundreds of women.

Guys, Girls, Feel free to add to this post.

While these things are done with a light heart and mild intentions. I hope that everyone can find something here, to be of some aid, evn if it is just a daily chuckle.