Put Down Your Checklist.

I hope everyone had a happy Single’s Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. I’ve I had time to think and process most of the pre-V and post-V day conversations, feelings and emotions. I’ve come to realize that we have glamorized love and relationships to the point of absurdity. We have become so caught up in our personal checklists that, in an effort to find someone that has all of the requirements and standards, that we missing out on some really amazing people, experiences and feelings.

So I’m saying just stop over-thinking and over analysing people and situations. Stop being so picky and so defensive. Just let the feelings and emotions come and deal with them as they do. I’m not saying don’t guard yourself. There are things to talk about or consider before embarking on an emotional investment that you think will go past Lust. BUT don’t try to plan out the rest of your life from Day 1, things will happen.

It’s the imperfections that you fall in love with. It’s the annoying laughs, the nervous fidgeting, the way they play with their hair when they talk to you, the way they look at you when you smile, their weird eating concoctions and habits, their fanaticism with their favorite artist/band, their love for vintage tee, or the fact that they are 5 inches taller/shorter than you.

Instead of spending a lifetime searching for someone Prefect, you should look for someone perfect for you, and finding someone for you isn’t something you can get on day one, it’s something you grow into. It’s a journey, and adventure for two. If you don’t like getting dirrty(yes more than one r, didn’t Christina teach you anything) then you need to rethink your life, cause Love is messy. PERIOD.

So.. JUST LOVE.. Yourself…Them… Me…

Hell.. JUST LOVE

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Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

To Write a Writer

I’m a man of my word, so here it is the post about meeting Denton (unusual name right? do you know a DENTON?) 

Back Story: Co-worker’s BFF is visiting from Tenn. for the weekend; the game plan was to go out. 

The Mission: To go to Dr. Unks (DRUNKS, slick naming I know) grab some booze and listen to a band named 5th generation. (think Korn with reggae)Well I arrived at the Bar, pretty late, I’m talking 10 mins before the place shutdown anyways. (I know so unlike me, but I had to work late)  I make the grand appearance, still dressed in work attire, but I was determined to get there.

Denton really seemed to be interested in getting to know me.  He was regurgitating  my life facts back to me assumedly  passed on to him by his BFF, whom is one of my co-workers,(which cannot be named, as I promised myself I would never blog about my co-workers on this blog).   I was somewhat taken back on this.  I thought man this guy is really nice and seems to be putting forth a decent effort to be really friendly.  After stuffing my face full of cold leftover food, we all head back to my co-workers house for a few more drinks and social time.

Ok, I won’t lie, when Denton wanted us all sit on the floor, and chat, I was honestly cool with it, until this guy pulled out a note pad and starts taking notes.  Okay, I’m thinking, this is sort of funny, yet just a littllllllle bit odd.  But not enough odd to freak me out.  So I’m thinking, psychologist, nahhh, Life coach??  nahhh..  Poor memory??? Nope… It’s not until Denton leaves and comes back with a bigger note pad, that I came to the conclusion this guy has got to be a writer, or he’s seriously a serial killer in disguise, and of course, me being black and all, I’d be the first to go…that’s how it work right? Maybe the better question is how many trees had to die, in the process of meeting Denton.

Denton is the kinda guy that you don’t meet every day.   I dunno, it just felt right.    It was easy to be myself, without much worry or concern.  Sometime I have to give people small doses of “Justin”, yanno what I mean.  He was funny and didn’t take anything (including himself) too serious, which is a good thing. It wasn’t battle the male macho ego, or low-blow central.  It was just a clean first-impression. Outside from being questioned to death, it felt like MY old friend was visiting for the weekend.  So when he’s a publish writer maybe I’ll get to see myself on the pages of a novel one days.  Me thinks that would be pretty chill.

So world, if you haven’t met Denton Loving, yet, do yourself a favor and RUNNNNNNNNNN.. haha just kidding.

Tagged: Eight Dirty Secerts

I’ve been tagged by the little kissing bandit, Dame. (cheeky monkey)

Okay, so here be the golden rules:

*We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

* Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

* People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Justin’s 8 Dirrty Secerts/Fun Facts

I eat Chapstick

One Testicle hangs slightly higher than the other

I shave my armpits

I’ve been completely DRUG FREE for life

I started masurbating in middle school

I have to look at my poop before I flush it

I can not for the life of me Sleep Naked…

The smell of mustard can cause me to vomit.

 

Hmmm

I tag Heather , DMKimPink ,  Reed  , 25,   Seanbe , Bukol

 

 

When the Roomie’s Away Justin Can Play

 My room mate is going to Vegas. I will have the apt to myself all week. Here a list of things I will do.

I will NOT feed his goldfish–He ever keeps the tank filled up, it sounds like we have a water fall in the apt.

Slide acorss the kitchen floor, after buttering/oiling it down.

Walk around in my undies–ALL DAY

Turn up the music & sing 90’s Pop Music( Tell me what you want, what you really really want)

I’ll use his colonge all week long

I’ll leave my leftovers in the Frig, for a change and not have to worry about them  disappearing.

Eat some Beef..

Party Like A ROCKSTAR

Do some YOGA

Not Clean up for a week.

OPEN all the blinds in the Apt for a change.

Fun Friday:Cheating Joke

                                       “Hello?”

“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy busy?”   

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” 

  After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got
an Uncle Paul.”
  

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”   

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”   

“Okay Daddy, ! just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”  

 “And what happened honey?” he asked.   

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”   

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”   

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.                                 But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and! I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, ! “Swimming pool? . . .

Is this  486-5731?”

Shop Till You Drop!

The List

 Does your Grocery List look like this? If so you’re a Dude/Man/Husband.  Yahoo did a story on Monday about the tendency for men to become overwhelmed when shopping for food.

You know I have comments. I’ll sum it up for you.

  • Men do represent a large part of grocery shopping dollars and they aren’t being very well accommodated”. (not accommodated ,what do we need? sports logos and no bottom shelves?)
  • Many men have difficulty finding items, forego buying rather than risk purchasing a substitute for an item(reading is fundamental, normally a similar item is located right next to the one that’s missing)
  • Male shoppers typically focus more on convenience than price(just depends)
  • men tend to hone in on the specific thing they want to buy instead of surveying the entire aisle, they are great with item they have purchased before, but it’s the new items.(How can you ever feel comfortable with buying a repeated item, if you never buy it to begin with).

Okay seriously, guys, is shopping that serious. On my list of hard things to do, grocery shopping is clearly right up there with, constructing rocket ships and brain surgery. Overwhelmed by the crowds yes, the lines yes, the delicious food samples, oh yes, but the actual shopping…

Is it that hard to price match and price compare? You look at the weight or the count and you look at the price. Can I save more by buying more?, Do I use a lot of this? Is this a good deal? It almost becomes second nature. You buy what you need, what you want, what you don’t need, and what you might need. LOL.

My favorite quote from the the article, was this “One guy thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown in the cereal aisle”. That’s funny. I do admit there are a number of options, but seriously are you kidding me? There are more aisles and items at Home Depot and Lowe’s, but you feel that 13-15 relatively small aisles in comparison is way to difficult to manage and navigate through. There are more nails lengths and types than cereal brands, and that’s just half of 1 aisle at HD.
Are retailers offering to much? If women can handle it, why can’t men? Do men find it difficult, because they don’t get enough practice?

I’m single, so I have to do all the shopping for me, or I won’t eat. It doesn’t seems at all difficult to me. I know I’m an only child, and we are usually independent, regardless. Everyone is free to comment, but I would like to call out some individuals. I’m asking all my coupled men out there; Sean, Whore, Mark do you have a hard time in the grocery stores? Do you not grocery shop at all because of this? Are you just the warm body that picks up the forgotten items on the way home?

To my coupled ladies; Heather, and DM, are your guys as helpless as a tipped over cow? Do you even let them grocery shop at all?

Have a great Hump day…