So, I Picked up a Prostitute!

Ohh you know this is going to be a good one. I think it’s best told like this…

So I’m driving around my small little tranquil town. I mean a town so safe, we’ve had two murders in the past 25 years. Well I’m driving through a small community and I see a woman walking. And NOOOO i was not rubbe necking. She looked maybe if she was in her 30’s, dressed casually and walking. She had short black hair and walked with a little bounce. I had the windows down to let the breeze ruffle my hair err air out my car,when I pulled next to this walking lady. She waved and her arms spasmed in an attempt to stop me.

She asked me were I was headed and I told her I was running to the shopping center for my grandmother to pick up some milk and eggs etc.  She smile and said, they she really needed a ride to the store as well, to pick up some items for the kids. From this point, the market was about 3 miles, but completely doable. A woman with kids needing a ride. COME on people, how could I resist. She looked harmless, and so I told her that I would give her a ride. She thanked me and said that she would find another way back, or she would walk back.  She said was tired of walking and was so thankful that I drove by.

Well we don’t make it two blocks before she bombards me with the statement ” I wanna suck your C)*&, how much? I just want $20″. My eyes widen to the size of doughnuts and I look over at her. She unflenched, I slammed on the brakes, so hard the people walking on the sidewalk, got whiplash. Still in shock that (1 There is a hooker in my car. 2. I picked up that hooker.), I politely said “Ms please get out of my car” She continued with ” come on, $10 and I will suck your C@&*. Then firmly said ” LADY, get out of my car, NOW”. She smacked her lips and open the door and got out. I drove out, like bat outta hell, on acid.

I looked back in the rearview mirror, and she’s busy shaking her head and continues walking.  I begin to fuss myself out of course for being so STUPID. I wanted to drive back and tell her she ought to be ashamed or something,  but I knew it wasn’t my place, and nor was it going to be effective.

Me of all people.. ME..oh why me. I’m sure my high school class voted me as most likely to pick up a hooker, somewhere and I just didn’t realize it.  I ‘ve only picked up two people ever and one turns out to be a pay for play. And I know all of my guy readers are wondering, “DUDE, was she hot” and I will say “BRO, not really, but it didn’t really matter” regardless. Just not J’s style. LOL

So has any one else picked up a prostitute or have any hitchhiker stories they wanna share? Do you pick up people on a regular basis?

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Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

Tagged: Eight Dirty Secerts

I’ve been tagged by the little kissing bandit, Dame. (cheeky monkey)

Okay, so here be the golden rules:

*We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

* Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

* People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Justin’s 8 Dirrty Secerts/Fun Facts

I eat Chapstick

One Testicle hangs slightly higher than the other

I shave my armpits

I’ve been completely DRUG FREE for life

I started masurbating in middle school

I have to look at my poop before I flush it

I can not for the life of me Sleep Naked…

The smell of mustard can cause me to vomit.

 

Hmmm

I tag Heather , DMKimPink ,  Reed  , 25,   Seanbe , Bukol

 

 

Fun Friday:Cheating Joke

                                       “Hello?”

“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy busy?”   

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” 

  After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got
an Uncle Paul.”
  

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”   

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”   

“Okay Daddy, ! just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”  

 “And what happened honey?” he asked.   

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”   

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”   

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.                                 But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and! I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, ! “Swimming pool? . . .

Is this  486-5731?”

Shop Till You Drop!

The List

 Does your Grocery List look like this? If so you’re a Dude/Man/Husband.  Yahoo did a story on Monday about the tendency for men to become overwhelmed when shopping for food.

You know I have comments. I’ll sum it up for you.

  • Men do represent a large part of grocery shopping dollars and they aren’t being very well accommodated”. (not accommodated ,what do we need? sports logos and no bottom shelves?)
  • Many men have difficulty finding items, forego buying rather than risk purchasing a substitute for an item(reading is fundamental, normally a similar item is located right next to the one that’s missing)
  • Male shoppers typically focus more on convenience than price(just depends)
  • men tend to hone in on the specific thing they want to buy instead of surveying the entire aisle, they are great with item they have purchased before, but it’s the new items.(How can you ever feel comfortable with buying a repeated item, if you never buy it to begin with).

Okay seriously, guys, is shopping that serious. On my list of hard things to do, grocery shopping is clearly right up there with, constructing rocket ships and brain surgery. Overwhelmed by the crowds yes, the lines yes, the delicious food samples, oh yes, but the actual shopping…

Is it that hard to price match and price compare? You look at the weight or the count and you look at the price. Can I save more by buying more?, Do I use a lot of this? Is this a good deal? It almost becomes second nature. You buy what you need, what you want, what you don’t need, and what you might need. LOL.

My favorite quote from the the article, was this “One guy thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown in the cereal aisle”. That’s funny. I do admit there are a number of options, but seriously are you kidding me? There are more aisles and items at Home Depot and Lowe’s, but you feel that 13-15 relatively small aisles in comparison is way to difficult to manage and navigate through. There are more nails lengths and types than cereal brands, and that’s just half of 1 aisle at HD.
Are retailers offering to much? If women can handle it, why can’t men? Do men find it difficult, because they don’t get enough practice?

I’m single, so I have to do all the shopping for me, or I won’t eat. It doesn’t seems at all difficult to me. I know I’m an only child, and we are usually independent, regardless. Everyone is free to comment, but I would like to call out some individuals. I’m asking all my coupled men out there; Sean, Whore, Mark do you have a hard time in the grocery stores? Do you not grocery shop at all because of this? Are you just the warm body that picks up the forgotten items on the way home?

To my coupled ladies; Heather, and DM, are your guys as helpless as a tipped over cow? Do you even let them grocery shop at all?

Have a great Hump day…

The Types of People You Should Be Friends With Part I

1. The Mechanic – Always great to know a great mechanic. Saves you much time and money.  Follow their advice and your car will never give you any serious trouble.  If the day of the “Great Breakdown” happens, you’ll be assured that you won’t get reamed by other mechanics. My mechanic, is a guy name Daniel, that I went to High School with.

2. The Good-Looking One– A guy or girl’s best friend in sticky situations.  Having a HOT friend can save your butt big time.  If you have a hot brother or sister, that works well too. Use accurately: As bait, cover ups, chick/guy magnets, calss reunions,  date rescuers…

3. The Lawyer- Very important. Leases, contracts, sticky legal webs.  This person will undoubtedly keep you out of jail, and from being Duped by “the Man”. Wanna know if you can legally sell your soul on Ebay, ask your lawyer..

4. The Doctor– This one is an easy one.  Knowing a doctor, is just simply on the better things you can ever do in life. Prone to injury this is a must for you then. Prone to weird and embarrassing rashes, fungi and other body  irregularities, this a must for you too. Fortunately for me, my former room mate is in Medical School, and hes wants to be a plastic surgeon.  Yay, free PS for me, cause he wouldn’t have passed Immunology without me, LOL.. Not to mention I’ve got compromising Pictures. MUAHHAHAH

5. The Guy with a Record— No I’m not talking music here.  Its okay to have that one shady person at you arsenal. You just never know when you need that “favor”. No need to get Your hands dirty LOL.. Heck find the right one and you won’t have to call in the favor, just submit the umm”Challenges” and they will readily accept.

6. The Techy– The Electronic savior. Computers, TV’s stero’s, Ipod.. If it’s broke they know how to fix it, and most likely will do it for, to show you how smart they are.  Need an electronic to do something, it’s not suppose to do, this is your go to man. Forget Pimp my Ride, It’s Pimp my Ipod. Hacking optional…

7. The Nobody– The Nobody is an easy pick.  Your lackey, your pawn, easily usable as a filler in any situation.

8. The Muscle/Athlete– Sometime you just need brute strength.  Need help moving: the Muscle.  Need to to win that softball game:the Muscle.  Need to intimidate a bully: the Muscle. Need to look tough by beating up a huge guy: beg the Muscle to allow it. (Pete, back of green peas and two tylenol, every 4 hours, the swelling will go down by Sat. I promise) LOL

9. The Artist— All derivatives apply here.. Sometimes you just can’t say it in words. You need pictures, drawings, Body Chalk lines moved to another location. Can be use to to decorate houses and parties.  Always creative, always emotion. Gotta like the EMO kids..

10. A Preacher. We have them, but do you really know him/her.  You mentor and guidance for all of life’s questions.  Helps you and all else fails. Also who needs to wait for Sunday to ask for forgiveness, when you’ve got the Pastor on speed dial. You also never know when you need a quick hitching.

Future Types:

Author/Poet, Extra Mommie, The Culinary Blessed….

I’ll Pay You To Have My Baby!

“I want a kid, but I don’t want to adopt. I want a kid, but I don’t want the stresses of a relationship”.. This is what was said to me this weekend. As you can see my conversations are never normal (why do these people attract to me lol) Are today’s 20 and 30-something men, paying surrogates to bear their children? With a little digging I’ve discovered that, yes there seems to be a growing trend emerging. Either from excessive sour relationships, being stood up at the alter, or just ultra independence, whatever the case, today’s gentlemen are becoming Dads, and embracing the new motto: No Wife, No Problem!!

So exactly how much is this going to cost me? The cost of surrogate birth, including legal and medical fees comes to a staggering 95-K 125k. Let’s see how this is broken down: buying eggs, up to 50K depending on the donor’s looks, education, and professional achievement; 15K for vitro fertilization of a man’s sperm; 30K for hiring a young woman who will allow the embryo to be implanted in her uterus. The paying of donors for certain attributes, worries me… What attributes are you willing to pay for; blue eyes, green eyes, blond hair, and what does that say about the attribute?? Does that mean certain colors or flavors are better than others? Are we going to start “race” selecting our children?–Nazi engineering anyone, anyone at all?, oh just me? Riiight? manbaby.jpg

The US is one of the few countries in which paid surrogacy is legal. It depends on the state though. It’s legal in Maryland, but iilegal in DC. So now you have father-hopeful jumping state lines just in hopes of having a child. The artificial reproductive technology is a 3-billion-a-year industry in the US alone(who knew!!!). You would think there would be much more regulations, but there isn’t. Some guys are getting the short end of the stick. There have been cases where, after giving birth, some woman have won custody battles to keep the children. (I don’t see that happens, just put the farther’s name on the birth certificate only..duhhhh) Other cases involve men paying for eggs and then the women, have problems getting pregnant. That’s a lousy way to blow 7500 bucks. I know some of you are thinking what kind of people do these sorts of things. There’s a much high demand for these unions. All it takes is a decently wealthy man, and a willing fertile female. Often times young married couples are in such need of money, that they are willing to do this. That’s the kicker, in most cases these aren’t single men, paying single women to bear children, the women are generally married and range from 21-35.(mind blowing I know)

Guys, let’s talk for a moment. Has it really come down to this? There are better things to spend money on, seriously. I mean sure relationships are something that require alot of work, time an effort. Raising a kid is a big deal, and while yes, women have been doing it “by themselves” for years, I’m sure not ny choice… I want a wife and two kids and whole works, life would be just to boring without it, I think. As mush as I like my independence, I don’t think I could/would want to raise a child alone.

Are men crossing social and genetics boundaries that they shouldn’t? Should society be doing things like this? Will growing up mommy-less from birth have a greater effect on children than we can expect? So what do you all think?

PS. It feels good to be back!!!(NO MORE TRAVELING)…atleast for a while.