Disappointment

Disappointment–

I don’t deal with it well, not well at all.

For me I know it stems from years and years upon disappointment with my father. The missed birthdays, the wrong gifts, the broken promises, the un-obligatory feeling he radiates from this actions.

Expectations have a way of setting themselves, and even when we lower them to what we think is an acceptable level. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed when things fall below that. I sometimes can’t believe the amount of effort, or lack of some people have with it comes to certain things, like dates, or gifts, or birthdays, or thanks you. I am more let down by the effort, that causes the disappointment. If I try my hardest or if someone else does, and things don’t end up quite right, then I don’t have a problem with anything. You just chalk it up, and celebrate an awesome effort. You always can’t win and nor can you have everything you want.

I know and completely understand and accept that.  It’s the lack of effort that is so overwhelming poor,  that’s when disappointment hurts me the most. It’s when you have WEEKS to prepare, and your efforts seem rushed and THOUGHTLESS, it’s when you ask for one thing, and get nothing remotely close, to what you wanted,  when someone has means of make it available, it’s when you emulate what’s already been done for you, because you can’t come up with anything Creative on your on, or even attempted t0– that’s when disappointment hurts the most.

I just don’t understand how you can drop the ball on some of the most important days, when it’s your last chance to make things right, when it’s a chance to make someone you love feel loved, when it’s a day that’s important to them for whatever reason. The fact is ,the excuses  make the disappointment that much more stronger. Somehow their validation of their LACK of effort, makes the disappointment wound sting even more, because somehow they think it’s okay to explain why they didn’t go the extra mile for you, hell, when didn’t make the 1st mile at all.

People like my mom have to do double duty, to overshadow the whimsical  attempts of my father . Thank God I have really good friends that know me, than can catch the slack for other people, who spew nothing but excuses for their inadequacies, that been said, IF those people even recognize their shortcomings.

Run-ons and jumbled… yeah yeah i know… Just read the words..

Advertisements

What do you do…

What do you do when…

You try your hardest, but nothing seems to work, nothing as at all.. All attempts to connect fail and fall short..

What do you do when..

You put your all of your heart into it and its still not enough and live everyday in an ache

What do you do when…

When you go untouched, unappreciated, unloved

What do you do when…

You don’t want to give up, shouldn’t give up, can’t give up,  but you don’t know where else to go, or what else to do, or who else to talk to.

What do you do when…

When the close are distant, when the friendly are cold, when your rock is sumerged

What do you do when…

Want to cry, shouldn’t cry, can’t cry

What do you do when…

You want to find peace, be given peace, be at peace

What do you do..

Quarter Life Crisis

Hey all the day is finally here. I’m 25, the big Quarter and the Quarter life Crisis can begin.. I think I need to trip to Vegas, to deal.  I know someone out there has timeshare!!!!. (OMG is that a grey hair..)

There are so many things that one could sit down and pick out in their life, that aren’t what they expected to be, I mean I could, If i wanted to be all depressed and sad, and get all EMO on you. But I look at it totally different. I try to look to see what life has given me thus far, and what I want it to give me in the future.

So wow I can’t believe I’ve been here on Earth, for 25 years, it just sorta seems crazyl.. I’ve grown so much over the past couple of years and more so over the past of months than I ever could have expected to. For a few moments the world seems sorta surreal and I try to think about Life, before and after this point.

I’m not a Life+Lemons= Lemonade kinda guy I’m more of a Lime+ Life = Margaritas.. Don’t settle for good, make it GREAT.

OK People you know the drill..

Size 34 Waist,

Large in Shirt,

Size 13 in shoes(dont want to here it),

I look good in Baby Blue, Orange, & Green

I love Best Buy and Circuit City

Gym Items are always welcomed..

All Money Gifts, will go to the Feed the Hungry College Kids Fund of FL..

Onward to 30….. err I think next year when I turn 26, I’m just going to stay 26 until I’m 30. Seriously

Record Breaking May…

Indy 4 came within 2 million of breaking the Memorial Day Record, Gas Prices hit an all time average High Record, and you know what else… I hit an all time record on my blog

Someone just had their best month ever in the blogging world…Me

Yup that’s right, I hit an all time of 3,020 hits. Destorying the old record of 2400 a few months ago.

I also had the an all-time weekly high of 727 hits.. WHOO hooo..

I would like to thank you all for hitting and reading the blog. If I can’t inspire you, motivate you, or cause you to think about something differently, then I hope that you can at least get a bit of amusement out of some of my postings. I’m in the mood for some blogging, so hit me with suggestions, if you have them.

So, I Picked up a Prostitute!

Ohh you know this is going to be a good one. I think it’s best told like this…

So I’m driving around my small little tranquil town. I mean a town so safe, we’ve had two murders in the past 25 years. Well I’m driving through a small community and I see a woman walking. And NOOOO i was not rubbe necking. She looked maybe if she was in her 30’s, dressed casually and walking. She had short black hair and walked with a little bounce. I had the windows down to let the breeze ruffle my hair err air out my car,when I pulled next to this walking lady. She waved and her arms spasmed in an attempt to stop me.

She asked me were I was headed and I told her I was running to the shopping center for my grandmother to pick up some milk and eggs etc.  She smile and said, they she really needed a ride to the store as well, to pick up some items for the kids. From this point, the market was about 3 miles, but completely doable. A woman with kids needing a ride. COME on people, how could I resist. She looked harmless, and so I told her that I would give her a ride. She thanked me and said that she would find another way back, or she would walk back.  She said was tired of walking and was so thankful that I drove by.

Well we don’t make it two blocks before she bombards me with the statement ” I wanna suck your C)*&, how much? I just want $20″. My eyes widen to the size of doughnuts and I look over at her. She unflenched, I slammed on the brakes, so hard the people walking on the sidewalk, got whiplash. Still in shock that (1 There is a hooker in my car. 2. I picked up that hooker.), I politely said “Ms please get out of my car” She continued with ” come on, $10 and I will suck your C@&*. Then firmly said ” LADY, get out of my car, NOW”. She smacked her lips and open the door and got out. I drove out, like bat outta hell, on acid.

I looked back in the rearview mirror, and she’s busy shaking her head and continues walking.  I begin to fuss myself out of course for being so STUPID. I wanted to drive back and tell her she ought to be ashamed or something,  but I knew it wasn’t my place, and nor was it going to be effective.

Me of all people.. ME..oh why me. I’m sure my high school class voted me as most likely to pick up a hooker, somewhere and I just didn’t realize it.  I ‘ve only picked up two people ever and one turns out to be a pay for play. And I know all of my guy readers are wondering, “DUDE, was she hot” and I will say “BRO, not really, but it didn’t really matter” regardless. Just not J’s style. LOL

So has any one else picked up a prostitute or have any hitchhiker stories they wanna share? Do you pick up people on a regular basis?

Me to the H power

I think I just created a Meme. Take a Letter of the Alphabet and see how many words you can come up with to describe you. If you’re really good, each line, should have the same thing in common. Here is mine with the Letter H.

Hunky, Hung, Handsome, and Hump-able ,

Honorable, Humble, Honest and Hug-able,

Hysterical, Hypnotic, Humanized and Hopeful,

Hip, Hyper, Hoaxer, and Hungry

Hairy, Husky, Hypergenic and Hued

I Like Thumper Better Anyways..

OK, I’m sure by the end of this rant, someone is going to call PETA(if not they will with the taxidermy post a month from now).  I’m not an animal hater, by any means(FREE WILLY!!! and not that Willy either you perv), and Ive always been okay with hunting to a certain extent.  Sure its not MY favorite past time, but its a respectable sports when people follow the rules and laws.  But from this day forth, I AM all about some deer hunting. Hunters have my permission to kill every Deer, doe, buck etc. they see. Shoot and kill them now, right now. In fact come down to Northern Florida and I will lead you to the mother load.

Let me recap for you one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.  This past weekend, I drove in what had to be the most deer infested woodsy area in existence. On my way to this guy’s house, I encountered 8 deer,with addition to it being cold, damp and dark, lets just say I’ve had better days. So I slow up with the driving, (I’m doing 20 in a 45), because frankly I don’t want to hit a deer, or as we like to say, “You don’t hit deer, they hit you”. So on the way back from this guys house, I see 15 deer(23 total, thus far) before I’m within miles of the highway. I”m mean these SOBs are coming out of the woods, running over the road,  some are standing in the fields; just waiting. I’m thinking that as soon as I drive by they are going to dart out and hit my new car(2007 Honda Accord :)). I’m breathing heavy, I’m driving slow, again not the best of times in the car.  The highway is near I can almost taste it…

But now for the Grand Finale; The Deer Sandwich.  So 2 deer run across the road directly in front of me, but there’s enough distance that I’m not worried. But then they stop once the cross.. So I stopped, and then behind, what looked like another deer(26) emerged from the woods. So at the moment it looks like I’m sandwich in between a set of deer. I’m freaking out by now, cause this is starting to feel like the Ring 2. I honked and flashed and these deer couldn’t be shaken.  So what’s a guy to do… I did what any other young masculine man would do…. I rolled the window, and screamed like a little girl. I figured if the windowing-shattering shrieks of panic didn’t scare them away, I am just doomed. Hmmm there’s something about a baritone pitched screaming man, that sends, fear into hearts of the deer alike.

Sooo.. All you deer hunter out there, I will never again mock, the camo, orange hats, pick up trucks with rifles, and /or 4 wheelers with shotguns attached(ok that’s a maybe on those). Kill those Bambis, you have my Blessing.

Now does anyone know where I can get a good deal on some Calvins???