Disappointment

Disappointment–

I don’t deal with it well, not well at all.

For me I know it stems from years and years upon disappointment with my father. The missed birthdays, the wrong gifts, the broken promises, the un-obligatory feeling he radiates from this actions.

Expectations have a way of setting themselves, and even when we lower them to what we think is an acceptable level. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed when things fall below that. I sometimes can’t believe the amount of effort, or lack of some people have with it comes to certain things, like dates, or gifts, or birthdays, or thanks you. I am more let down by the effort, that causes the disappointment. If I try my hardest or if someone else does, and things don’t end up quite right, then I don’t have a problem with anything. You just chalk it up, and celebrate an awesome effort. You always can’t win and nor can you have everything you want.

I know and completely understand and accept that.  It’s the lack of effort that is so overwhelming poor,  that’s when disappointment hurts me the most. It’s when you have WEEKS to prepare, and your efforts seem rushed and THOUGHTLESS, it’s when you ask for one thing, and get nothing remotely close, to what you wanted,  when someone has means of make it available, it’s when you emulate what’s already been done for you, because you can’t come up with anything Creative on your on, or even attempted t0– that’s when disappointment hurts the most.

I just don’t understand how you can drop the ball on some of the most important days, when it’s your last chance to make things right, when it’s a chance to make someone you love feel loved, when it’s a day that’s important to them for whatever reason. The fact is ,the excuses  make the disappointment that much more stronger. Somehow their validation of their LACK of effort, makes the disappointment wound sting even more, because somehow they think it’s okay to explain why they didn’t go the extra mile for you, hell, when didn’t make the 1st mile at all.

People like my mom have to do double duty, to overshadow the whimsical  attempts of my father . Thank God I have really good friends that know me, than can catch the slack for other people, who spew nothing but excuses for their inadequacies, that been said, IF those people even recognize their shortcomings.

Run-ons and jumbled… yeah yeah i know… Just read the words..

Jealousy

When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Things I Do that Aggrevate People..

OUT & ABOUT:

— When jogging, I like to make special trips through fast food restaurants parking lots. I won’t say anything to potential customers. I think my very presence, speaks on them on many levels. Once in a while,  a car will pull out of the drive thru, most likely over come with with guilt.  What?? I can’t help that’s it own my jogging course.

— I wave hello to random people, that I don’t know.

— Sometimes I walk to the beat of the music, and (sometimes I silently have a soundtrack in my head)

AT HOME:

— When I sneeze, I say: “Excuse me, Bless Me, Thank you”.  Cuts out the middle man.. If I said “You’re Welcome” then I would be considered sorta weird

— I used plastic-ware, so that I will never technically have to do the dishes, because technically I never dirty up any dishes. Saves water right?

IN THE CAR:

-If driving, and you go to sleep on me, I’ll slam on breaks and start screaming

-If in the passenger side, I normally attempt to strangle myself at the stop lights

– If in the back of car, I will rock the car at the stop lights, by grab both “Oh SHIT” handle and shifting my weight

AT THE GYM:

–If I’m asked how many sets I have left, I usually give an super high number like 15

–I switch the Time Elapsed to Time Remaining, so that people wont stand behind when my time is almost up.

What do you do…

What do you do when…

You try your hardest, but nothing seems to work, nothing as at all.. All attempts to connect fail and fall short..

What do you do when..

You put your all of your heart into it and its still not enough and live everyday in an ache

What do you do when…

When you go untouched, unappreciated, unloved

What do you do when…

You don’t want to give up, shouldn’t give up, can’t give up,  but you don’t know where else to go, or what else to do, or who else to talk to.

What do you do when…

When the close are distant, when the friendly are cold, when your rock is sumerged

What do you do when…

Want to cry, shouldn’t cry, can’t cry

What do you do when…

You want to find peace, be given peace, be at peace

What do you do..

Quarter Life Crisis

Hey all the day is finally here. I’m 25, the big Quarter and the Quarter life Crisis can begin.. I think I need to trip to Vegas, to deal.  I know someone out there has timeshare!!!!. (OMG is that a grey hair..)

There are so many things that one could sit down and pick out in their life, that aren’t what they expected to be, I mean I could, If i wanted to be all depressed and sad, and get all EMO on you. But I look at it totally different. I try to look to see what life has given me thus far, and what I want it to give me in the future.

So wow I can’t believe I’ve been here on Earth, for 25 years, it just sorta seems crazyl.. I’ve grown so much over the past couple of years and more so over the past of months than I ever could have expected to. For a few moments the world seems sorta surreal and I try to think about Life, before and after this point.

I’m not a Life+Lemons= Lemonade kinda guy I’m more of a Lime+ Life = Margaritas.. Don’t settle for good, make it GREAT.

OK People you know the drill..

Size 34 Waist,

Large in Shirt,

Size 13 in shoes(dont want to here it),

I look good in Baby Blue, Orange, & Green

I love Best Buy and Circuit City

Gym Items are always welcomed..

All Money Gifts, will go to the Feed the Hungry College Kids Fund of FL..

Onward to 30….. err I think next year when I turn 26, I’m just going to stay 26 until I’m 30. Seriously

So, I Picked up a Prostitute!

Ohh you know this is going to be a good one. I think it’s best told like this…

So I’m driving around my small little tranquil town. I mean a town so safe, we’ve had two murders in the past 25 years. Well I’m driving through a small community and I see a woman walking. And NOOOO i was not rubbe necking. She looked maybe if she was in her 30’s, dressed casually and walking. She had short black hair and walked with a little bounce. I had the windows down to let the breeze ruffle my hair err air out my car,when I pulled next to this walking lady. She waved and her arms spasmed in an attempt to stop me.

She asked me were I was headed and I told her I was running to the shopping center for my grandmother to pick up some milk and eggs etc.  She smile and said, they she really needed a ride to the store as well, to pick up some items for the kids. From this point, the market was about 3 miles, but completely doable. A woman with kids needing a ride. COME on people, how could I resist. She looked harmless, and so I told her that I would give her a ride. She thanked me and said that she would find another way back, or she would walk back.  She said was tired of walking and was so thankful that I drove by.

Well we don’t make it two blocks before she bombards me with the statement ” I wanna suck your C)*&, how much? I just want $20″. My eyes widen to the size of doughnuts and I look over at her. She unflenched, I slammed on the brakes, so hard the people walking on the sidewalk, got whiplash. Still in shock that (1 There is a hooker in my car. 2. I picked up that hooker.), I politely said “Ms please get out of my car” She continued with ” come on, $10 and I will suck your C@&*. Then firmly said ” LADY, get out of my car, NOW”. She smacked her lips and open the door and got out. I drove out, like bat outta hell, on acid.

I looked back in the rearview mirror, and she’s busy shaking her head and continues walking.  I begin to fuss myself out of course for being so STUPID. I wanted to drive back and tell her she ought to be ashamed or something,  but I knew it wasn’t my place, and nor was it going to be effective.

Me of all people.. ME..oh why me. I’m sure my high school class voted me as most likely to pick up a hooker, somewhere and I just didn’t realize it.  I ‘ve only picked up two people ever and one turns out to be a pay for play. And I know all of my guy readers are wondering, “DUDE, was she hot” and I will say “BRO, not really, but it didn’t really matter” regardless. Just not J’s style. LOL

So has any one else picked up a prostitute or have any hitchhiker stories they wanna share? Do you pick up people on a regular basis?

Put Down Your Checklist.

I hope everyone had a happy Single’s Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. I’ve I had time to think and process most of the pre-V and post-V day conversations, feelings and emotions. I’ve come to realize that we have glamorized love and relationships to the point of absurdity. We have become so caught up in our personal checklists that, in an effort to find someone that has all of the requirements and standards, that we missing out on some really amazing people, experiences and feelings.

So I’m saying just stop over-thinking and over analysing people and situations. Stop being so picky and so defensive. Just let the feelings and emotions come and deal with them as they do. I’m not saying don’t guard yourself. There are things to talk about or consider before embarking on an emotional investment that you think will go past Lust. BUT don’t try to plan out the rest of your life from Day 1, things will happen.

It’s the imperfections that you fall in love with. It’s the annoying laughs, the nervous fidgeting, the way they play with their hair when they talk to you, the way they look at you when you smile, their weird eating concoctions and habits, their fanaticism with their favorite artist/band, their love for vintage tee, or the fact that they are 5 inches taller/shorter than you.

Instead of spending a lifetime searching for someone Prefect, you should look for someone perfect for you, and finding someone for you isn’t something you can get on day one, it’s something you grow into. It’s a journey, and adventure for two. If you don’t like getting dirrty(yes more than one r, didn’t Christina teach you anything) then you need to rethink your life, cause Love is messy. PERIOD.

So.. JUST LOVE.. Yourself…Them… Me…

Hell.. JUST LOVE