Disappointment

Disappointment–

I don’t deal with it well, not well at all.

For me I know it stems from years and years upon disappointment with my father. The missed birthdays, the wrong gifts, the broken promises, the un-obligatory feeling he radiates from this actions.

Expectations have a way of setting themselves, and even when we lower them to what we think is an acceptable level. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed when things fall below that. I sometimes can’t believe the amount of effort, or lack of some people have with it comes to certain things, like dates, or gifts, or birthdays, or thanks you. I am more let down by the effort, that causes the disappointment. If I try my hardest or if someone else does, and things don’t end up quite right, then I don’t have a problem with anything. You just chalk it up, and celebrate an awesome effort. You always can’t win and nor can you have everything you want.

I know and completely understand and accept that.  It’s the lack of effort that is so overwhelming poor,  that’s when disappointment hurts me the most. It’s when you have WEEKS to prepare, and your efforts seem rushed and THOUGHTLESS, it’s when you ask for one thing, and get nothing remotely close, to what you wanted,  when someone has means of make it available, it’s when you emulate what’s already been done for you, because you can’t come up with anything Creative on your on, or even attempted t0– that’s when disappointment hurts the most.

I just don’t understand how you can drop the ball on some of the most important days, when it’s your last chance to make things right, when it’s a chance to make someone you love feel loved, when it’s a day that’s important to them for whatever reason. The fact is ,the excuses  make the disappointment that much more stronger. Somehow their validation of their LACK of effort, makes the disappointment wound sting even more, because somehow they think it’s okay to explain why they didn’t go the extra mile for you, hell, when didn’t make the 1st mile at all.

People like my mom have to do double duty, to overshadow the whimsical  attempts of my father . Thank God I have really good friends that know me, than can catch the slack for other people, who spew nothing but excuses for their inadequacies, that been said, IF those people even recognize their shortcomings.

Run-ons and jumbled… yeah yeah i know… Just read the words..

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Jealousy

When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

What do you do…

What do you do when…

You try your hardest, but nothing seems to work, nothing as at all.. All attempts to connect fail and fall short..

What do you do when..

You put your all of your heart into it and its still not enough and live everyday in an ache

What do you do when…

When you go untouched, unappreciated, unloved

What do you do when…

You don’t want to give up, shouldn’t give up, can’t give up,  but you don’t know where else to go, or what else to do, or who else to talk to.

What do you do when…

When the close are distant, when the friendly are cold, when your rock is sumerged

What do you do when…

Want to cry, shouldn’t cry, can’t cry

What do you do when…

You want to find peace, be given peace, be at peace

What do you do..

Put Down Your Checklist.

I hope everyone had a happy Single’s Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. I’ve I had time to think and process most of the pre-V and post-V day conversations, feelings and emotions. I’ve come to realize that we have glamorized love and relationships to the point of absurdity. We have become so caught up in our personal checklists that, in an effort to find someone that has all of the requirements and standards, that we missing out on some really amazing people, experiences and feelings.

So I’m saying just stop over-thinking and over analysing people and situations. Stop being so picky and so defensive. Just let the feelings and emotions come and deal with them as they do. I’m not saying don’t guard yourself. There are things to talk about or consider before embarking on an emotional investment that you think will go past Lust. BUT don’t try to plan out the rest of your life from Day 1, things will happen.

It’s the imperfections that you fall in love with. It’s the annoying laughs, the nervous fidgeting, the way they play with their hair when they talk to you, the way they look at you when you smile, their weird eating concoctions and habits, their fanaticism with their favorite artist/band, their love for vintage tee, or the fact that they are 5 inches taller/shorter than you.

Instead of spending a lifetime searching for someone Prefect, you should look for someone perfect for you, and finding someone for you isn’t something you can get on day one, it’s something you grow into. It’s a journey, and adventure for two. If you don’t like getting dirrty(yes more than one r, didn’t Christina teach you anything) then you need to rethink your life, cause Love is messy. PERIOD.

So.. JUST LOVE.. Yourself…Them… Me…

Hell.. JUST LOVE

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

Fun Friday:Cheating Joke

                                       “Hello?”

“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy busy?”   

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” 

  After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got
an Uncle Paul.”
  

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”   

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”   

“Okay Daddy, ! just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”  

 “And what happened honey?” he asked.   

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”   

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”   

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.                                 But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and! I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, ! “Swimming pool? . . .

Is this  486-5731?”

An Affair?, You’re Married!!!

The people are real, the places are real, the post is real. I was hit-on/came-on to by a semi-co-worker. She works with us, but she’s at an axillary site, 40 miles away, so we only see her from time to time. This is not an ordinary,come-on, as physical contact was involved. First the woman is 45 (beautiful, blond, maybe even MILF, level to some). Second alcohol was involved(she was the only one drinking). Thirdly, we are in the midst of a conference in Tenn, which of course is just the interracial couple safe heaven that anyone could hope for.

The conference for whatever reason, had a open bar. Sara(not her real name) started hitting the Gin and Tonic’s pretty heavy. After a few of those we make it to dinner and she’s still hitting the Gin and Tonics. I order a rum and pineapple juice and maybe drink half of it. Sara proceeds to finish it off for me. Our group, 4 ladies + Justin, walk back to the hotel. Two of the older ladies go up to bed, as the time is now 9:30PM. Sara wants to hang out in the Hotel Bar, and Ellen(not her real name), Sara and I, sit at the bar, and just chat. Okay, so Sara is already pretty toasty, and over the next hour gulps down another 4 Gin and Tonics. At which, I say ” Hey, I think that’s enough for tonight, I’m tired” Ellen agrees, but guess who doesn’t? I look her in the face, and say “I can not participate any longer, the big rectangle upstairs, will humor you all night long”. Ellen and I, guide Sara upstairs. I drop them off, and head to my room…

I walk down to my room and within five minutes, I get a phone call from Ellen, Sara’s bunk buddy, and she says “Sara is heading down to your room”. I run and stick my head out of the door and sure enough, Sara is heading down the hall towards my direction (mentally cussing doesn’t count right?!). She knocks and I open the door for her, clearly drunk she walks around the room, flopping down on the bed. She like “Hey cutie, let’s go find another bar”. I’m like “Sara, you don’t need anything else to drink”. She wiggles on the bed and gets up and walks over to me and kisses me(clearly didn’t see it coming) and I back away. I sit her back on the bed, and say, “come on lets go back to your room”. She stands up and says, “I’m 45 you’re 23, can you handle that?”. I’m at lost for words. I’m like “no I can’t”. (DID I MENTION THIS LADY”S OLDEST SON IS 21). She’s says ” I can”. She laying and wiggling on the bed. I’m thinking I have got to get this lady outta my room. So I pick up the phone book and pretend to look up bars. I tell her, that’s here’s one close to the hotel. I convince her to get up and start moving again. My plan was to take her back to her room and just leave her there, but once we get back to her room, she won’t stay in there. So I tell Ellen, that I’m just going to take her outside for a bit of air, all the mean time, assuring Sara, we were going to another bar.

Well at this point, I decided to take Sara outside for some fresh air. I had to get her out of my room. Well we make it outside, and just begin walking around outside the hotel. We cross the street and see a bench. We sit for a moment, and then she’s back to being all over me. Her hands are going everywhere. I gently shove her off and motion for her to get up. As we are walking, she’s grabbing my butt and has her hand on my shoulder. She keeps saying, “You know what I want. We just keep walking. We spot a bar maybe two blocks down, and Lord knows I’m not taking her there. I sorta turn her around and say “it’s getting late let’s go back”. I’m thinking some of the alcohol has got to be wearing off by now. As we’ll walking she nibbling on my neck and I’m pushing her off. Let’s take a moment and visualize for a moment, now. Older white women, young black male, lovie duvie, late night in Chattanooga,–NOT the perfect snap shot if you get what I’m saying.

So we approach the the hotel’s side entrance. She stops and leans up against the wall and I’m thinking, what now. She says, “do, me, right here right now, and proceeds to spread her legs(THANK GOD, she’s wearing pants). I look at her like she’s lost her mind. I reply with “Sara, umm NO, one you’re married, (looking at the cameras) two, we are outside the Marriott and I will NOT be on Dateline because of you. NOW let’s go. I hold the door and she proceeds to enter the hotel and we make it to the elevator. For what ever design reason, the glass elevator there has this long bar running in the middle of it. Sara proceeds to put one leg up on one side, and the other leg on the other,(THANK GOD, again she’s wearing pants), and falls flat on her butt. I help her up and proceed to nudge her to her room. We knock and another co-work comes the door, I gently push her in, and say..”I’m done, don’t you let her out of this room” Ellen, responds with a head nod and says don’t worry and asks if I’m okay. I shake my head and turn to walk away. The doors slams and I hear the locks and bolts beings turned, and faintly in the background I hear Ellen, yelling “Get up out of the TUB and get in the bed..

Sara doesn’t remember anything really in the morning. Which for me was just fine, as I didn’t want things to feel awkward.  I feel sorry for her in way.  Things must not be well at home, for her to be so loose and carefree about having an affair. I know the alcohol was doing most of the talking, but still.  Could have been a lot worst..

Does this sorta of thing happen often? How would you have handle this? Would you taken the “opportunity” at hand? What does this say about marriage and being faithful?