Disappointment

Disappointment–

I don’t deal with it well, not well at all.

For me I know it stems from years and years upon disappointment with my father. The missed birthdays, the wrong gifts, the broken promises, the un-obligatory feeling he radiates from this actions.

Expectations have a way of setting themselves, and even when we lower them to what we think is an acceptable level. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed when things fall below that. I sometimes can’t believe the amount of effort, or lack of some people have with it comes to certain things, like dates, or gifts, or birthdays, or thanks you. I am more let down by the effort, that causes the disappointment. If I try my hardest or if someone else does, and things don’t end up quite right, then I don’t have a problem with anything. You just chalk it up, and celebrate an awesome effort. You always can’t win and nor can you have everything you want.

I know and completely understand and accept that.  It’s the lack of effort that is so overwhelming poor,  that’s when disappointment hurts me the most. It’s when you have WEEKS to prepare, and your efforts seem rushed and THOUGHTLESS, it’s when you ask for one thing, and get nothing remotely close, to what you wanted,  when someone has means of make it available, it’s when you emulate what’s already been done for you, because you can’t come up with anything Creative on your on, or even attempted t0– that’s when disappointment hurts the most.

I just don’t understand how you can drop the ball on some of the most important days, when it’s your last chance to make things right, when it’s a chance to make someone you love feel loved, when it’s a day that’s important to them for whatever reason. The fact is ,the excuses  make the disappointment that much more stronger. Somehow their validation of their LACK of effort, makes the disappointment wound sting even more, because somehow they think it’s okay to explain why they didn’t go the extra mile for you, hell, when didn’t make the 1st mile at all.

People like my mom have to do double duty, to overshadow the whimsical  attempts of my father . Thank God I have really good friends that know me, than can catch the slack for other people, who spew nothing but excuses for their inadequacies, that been said, IF those people even recognize their shortcomings.

Run-ons and jumbled… yeah yeah i know… Just read the words..

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Things I Do that Aggrevate People..

OUT & ABOUT:

— When jogging, I like to make special trips through fast food restaurants parking lots. I won’t say anything to potential customers. I think my very presence, speaks on them on many levels. Once in a while,  a car will pull out of the drive thru, most likely over come with with guilt.  What?? I can’t help that’s it own my jogging course.

— I wave hello to random people, that I don’t know.

— Sometimes I walk to the beat of the music, and (sometimes I silently have a soundtrack in my head)

AT HOME:

— When I sneeze, I say: “Excuse me, Bless Me, Thank you”.  Cuts out the middle man.. If I said “You’re Welcome” then I would be considered sorta weird

— I used plastic-ware, so that I will never technically have to do the dishes, because technically I never dirty up any dishes. Saves water right?

IN THE CAR:

-If driving, and you go to sleep on me, I’ll slam on breaks and start screaming

-If in the passenger side, I normally attempt to strangle myself at the stop lights

– If in the back of car, I will rock the car at the stop lights, by grab both “Oh SHIT” handle and shifting my weight

AT THE GYM:

–If I’m asked how many sets I have left, I usually give an super high number like 15

–I switch the Time Elapsed to Time Remaining, so that people wont stand behind when my time is almost up.

Don’t Complain about FOOD COST: WENDY’s

Ok so… I went to Wendy’s today to get a little food. I like Wendy’s, it’s on the few fast food places that I like to eat, mostly because I can get a decent sized grilled chicken sandwich, a baked potato and a low calorie drinking option for a decent price. But I’m not here to praise Wendy’s,  I’m here to inform you how unpractical, and unreasonable some of their practices are, well just mainly one, but I’m sure they have more…

I dined in, ordered my usual order(see above), and after my meal, was tucked away in the bottomless pit I call a stomach, I went back up to get a re-fill. I told the guy what I had to drink and handed him my cup, without the lid. Instead of him taking the cup and re-filling my drink, he grab a completely brand new cup, and new lid only to give me the same drink again. There was no need for him to waste another cup, wasting paper and plastic in the process.

The reason why this sorta bothers besides the fact that it’s wasteful and bad for the environment, is that I know soon then later, Wendy’s is going to raise the prices of all is items on the menu, to cover OPERATING cost. Well guess what Wendy’s you are the one that’s causing your own demise by, giving customers another cup for a refill on a drink. How SILLY… what is my CUP contaminated? To many germs.. WHAT?

Good Grief..

What do you do…

What do you do when…

You try your hardest, but nothing seems to work, nothing as at all.. All attempts to connect fail and fall short..

What do you do when..

You put your all of your heart into it and its still not enough and live everyday in an ache

What do you do when…

When you go untouched, unappreciated, unloved

What do you do when…

You don’t want to give up, shouldn’t give up, can’t give up,  but you don’t know where else to go, or what else to do, or who else to talk to.

What do you do when…

When the close are distant, when the friendly are cold, when your rock is sumerged

What do you do when…

Want to cry, shouldn’t cry, can’t cry

What do you do when…

You want to find peace, be given peace, be at peace

What do you do..

Contacts…The Death of Me..

I have a mild form of Ommetaphobia, which by definition is the fear of eyes. While, I don’t fear them, I fear sharp things going into them, especially mine. This phobia has never prevented from doing anything. So I wouldn’t say this “fear” has anything control over me, it’s perhaps just given me a quirk.

When I”m walking, if i see a lot of sharp objects, I sorta tense up. I just fear that i’m going to fall and puncture my eye. Modern arts places can be sorta creepy to me and I have a problem with name tags lying around with the pin sticking up. I normally walk by and snap them together. You can’t even begin to visualize the near fit I had when watching Kill Bill, and seeing Uma Thurman, cut out someone’s eye in slightly graphic detail.(I hate you Quentin T.)

I think because you only have two eyes, and there’s no replacing them, that I’m slightly worried about damaging my eye, or losing my eye sight. You know you just can’t put a cast on a eye and expect it to heal in 6-8 weeks.

All of that, leads me to my purpose of the post.  I am got, contacts, Me, me of all people.  Me the guy with the eye phobia, with contacts..the irony. So get this, of all things. Unlike most people, who struggle to get the contacts in the eye, I struggle more, with getting the contacts out of my eye. I have had assistance from other people for days.  I have a hard time removing them because, I thought I would rip my eye open trying to pinch the contact out. I have to get up an extra 30 mins, just to have to “CONTACT TIME” in the bathroom.  Before leaving the office, the optician said I would have to take them out and put them in. I told her, I hope she had all day. Let’s just say an empty box of tissues and 45 mins later, she removed my contacts for me. It was partly her fault. In an attempt to show me how it’s done, she scratches her eye. IN FRONT OF ME.. She had to audacity, to tell me to keep trying…

These little buggers are perhaps the greatest and worst optical invention all at the same time. A few times, I have gotten the contact in, and because the Optical God’s need a good laugh, I put the contact in backward. SO not only do have me struggling and literally crying to get the contact out, once I do,  I now have to put the contract BACK IN AGAIN..(I am not kidding you)…

I know, what you are thinking, just get glasses.. Had them long time ago..  I can’t now, not with film school. Eye has to be on eyepiece..

That was two weeks ago. I am now a little more equipped with my contacts. I still struggle some mornings, but at least I don’t freak out about something going straight for my eye, and I no longer fear of scratching my eye removing them.  Do I still have a the phobia, ohhhh you bet.. But I have gotten over the fear of contacts and something touching my eyeball. Feels good to tackle a fear and emerge successful, on some level. Challenge yourselves people!!!!

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

I Like Thumper Better Anyways..

OK, I’m sure by the end of this rant, someone is going to call PETA(if not they will with the taxidermy post a month from now).  I’m not an animal hater, by any means(FREE WILLY!!! and not that Willy either you perv), and Ive always been okay with hunting to a certain extent.  Sure its not MY favorite past time, but its a respectable sports when people follow the rules and laws.  But from this day forth, I AM all about some deer hunting. Hunters have my permission to kill every Deer, doe, buck etc. they see. Shoot and kill them now, right now. In fact come down to Northern Florida and I will lead you to the mother load.

Let me recap for you one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.  This past weekend, I drove in what had to be the most deer infested woodsy area in existence. On my way to this guy’s house, I encountered 8 deer,with addition to it being cold, damp and dark, lets just say I’ve had better days. So I slow up with the driving, (I’m doing 20 in a 45), because frankly I don’t want to hit a deer, or as we like to say, “You don’t hit deer, they hit you”. So on the way back from this guys house, I see 15 deer(23 total, thus far) before I’m within miles of the highway. I”m mean these SOBs are coming out of the woods, running over the road,  some are standing in the fields; just waiting. I’m thinking that as soon as I drive by they are going to dart out and hit my new car(2007 Honda Accord :)). I’m breathing heavy, I’m driving slow, again not the best of times in the car.  The highway is near I can almost taste it…

But now for the Grand Finale; The Deer Sandwich.  So 2 deer run across the road directly in front of me, but there’s enough distance that I’m not worried. But then they stop once the cross.. So I stopped, and then behind, what looked like another deer(26) emerged from the woods. So at the moment it looks like I’m sandwich in between a set of deer. I’m freaking out by now, cause this is starting to feel like the Ring 2. I honked and flashed and these deer couldn’t be shaken.  So what’s a guy to do… I did what any other young masculine man would do…. I rolled the window, and screamed like a little girl. I figured if the windowing-shattering shrieks of panic didn’t scare them away, I am just doomed. Hmmm there’s something about a baritone pitched screaming man, that sends, fear into hearts of the deer alike.

Sooo.. All you deer hunter out there, I will never again mock, the camo, orange hats, pick up trucks with rifles, and /or 4 wheelers with shotguns attached(ok that’s a maybe on those). Kill those Bambis, you have my Blessing.

Now does anyone know where I can get a good deal on some Calvins???