Jealousy

When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

What do you do…

What do you do when…

You try your hardest, but nothing seems to work, nothing as at all.. All attempts to connect fail and fall short..

What do you do when..

You put your all of your heart into it and its still not enough and live everyday in an ache

What do you do when…

When you go untouched, unappreciated, unloved

What do you do when…

You don’t want to give up, shouldn’t give up, can’t give up,  but you don’t know where else to go, or what else to do, or who else to talk to.

What do you do when…

When the close are distant, when the friendly are cold, when your rock is sumerged

What do you do when…

Want to cry, shouldn’t cry, can’t cry

What do you do when…

You want to find peace, be given peace, be at peace

What do you do..

Put Down Your Checklist.

I hope everyone had a happy Single’s Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. I’ve I had time to think and process most of the pre-V and post-V day conversations, feelings and emotions. I’ve come to realize that we have glamorized love and relationships to the point of absurdity. We have become so caught up in our personal checklists that, in an effort to find someone that has all of the requirements and standards, that we missing out on some really amazing people, experiences and feelings.

So I’m saying just stop over-thinking and over analysing people and situations. Stop being so picky and so defensive. Just let the feelings and emotions come and deal with them as they do. I’m not saying don’t guard yourself. There are things to talk about or consider before embarking on an emotional investment that you think will go past Lust. BUT don’t try to plan out the rest of your life from Day 1, things will happen.

It’s the imperfections that you fall in love with. It’s the annoying laughs, the nervous fidgeting, the way they play with their hair when they talk to you, the way they look at you when you smile, their weird eating concoctions and habits, their fanaticism with their favorite artist/band, their love for vintage tee, or the fact that they are 5 inches taller/shorter than you.

Instead of spending a lifetime searching for someone Prefect, you should look for someone perfect for you, and finding someone for you isn’t something you can get on day one, it’s something you grow into. It’s a journey, and adventure for two. If you don’t like getting dirrty(yes more than one r, didn’t Christina teach you anything) then you need to rethink your life, cause Love is messy. PERIOD.

So.. JUST LOVE.. Yourself…Them… Me…

Hell.. JUST LOVE

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

We’ve all heard it, maybe most of us have even used it, and some of us live it everyday. Is it true, do Nice Guys finish last? When did being nice, becomes such a troublesome obstacle for so many people. Why does a positive trait, carry such a negative connotation?

Well first of all there has to be some kinda of medium to which we can grade niceness. There is big difference between doing nice things and being a nice guy. Having manners, and holding doors and volunteering are all nice things. Being a Nice Guy(from here on out NG), is more of mentality that affects your actions, and obviously the way you think. Not hitting on countless women, with vulgar come ons and distaste, bending over backwards for people, or accepting the short straw on purpose so that other won’t have to is being a NG.

See NGs aren’t aggressive. Maybe aggressive isn’t correct word here, let’s go with assertive. They don’t want to feel that they are being to pushy, to overbearing, to demanding. There in lies the problem. Not being assertive at times closes the door to many things. I’ve learn that sometimes you have to actively pursue the things you want. You have to be persistent. NG’s sometime have the mentality that things will fall in place because they are nice, a ying & yang way of thinking if you will. A bit of entitlement sometimes follows NG’s, they feel that since they are doing nice things, that nice things(the things they want) should be fall on them. This just isn’t the case. NG’s care to much about, not what people think about them, but what people think OF them. There’s a difference, a big difference. This traps NG’s into a state of actions and thinking where, they try to distant themselves from anything not considered nice.

Unfortunately for NG’s, sometimes woman take niceness for a sign of weakness. See women feel that niceness = abandon masculinity, which isnt always the case. I dont know what it is about women. Maybe it slightly stems from their natural feeling of wanting to be feel protected and safe. NG’s see so many great women with guys that to them, don’t treat them well. This causes much frustration for NG’s. NG’s don’t understand why a women would be with a guy that treats them bad, when they could have someone better, someone say… nice. “Treat’em like dirt they stick to you like mud. These words are very true. I’ve even had women explain to me that they see “over-niceness” as a sign of insecurity. Now it took me a few moments to understand this. Apparently NG’s are so nice, they must be insecure about themselves, and they attempt to make everyone else feel good, in order to compensation of how they feel about themselves. This blows my mind, I think that if someone is kind enough to take the effort to make you feel good, then that’s a sign that they feel pretty good about themselves, because apparently to me, that person isn’t dependent on having nice things done for them, or being showered with complements.

In the same vein, sometimes NG’s ruin potential relationships, hook-ups or whatever, because they exert to much niceness. After a while, women will begin to equate you to a friend, or a worst a brother. Or women will reject you because you are too nice, because she feels that you will be hurt in some kind of way of never being able to recover should things go bad, and that somehow hurting a nice guy is worst than hurting a jerk. See, the world is so backwards sometimes. The JERK has a better chance with a woman, simply because he’s equated to not having feelings worth hurting. She’s willing to take a risk with the JERK, she has nothing to lose, and she won’t regret hurting the JERK, as she would the NG. Being nice gets people attached to you to quickly, gets them caring about you to soon, to much. Once they do, they hold back and sometimes that’s works in the favor of a NG and sometimes it doesn’t. Being nice, will sometimes bring people to your aid when you need it the most. Yet sometimes it works the complete opposite way.

NG are often label as being push overs or punching bags. Many NG’s have a hard time saying NO. Again NG’s don’t want to be associated with anything negative connotations. They don’t want to feel that they are disappointing anyone. This is why in the work environment, NG’s get dump with the brunt of the work. They can’t say NO, and everyone depends on them to do the things they don’t want to do. Sometimes people will exploit your weakness, the very thing you regard your strength. People will have you bending over backwards if you aren’t careful.

So I why do I know so much about NG’s well, I used to be one, I’ve suffered the fate from much up above. I’ve learned a lot recently and its taking me a long time to see and grow. I won’t say I’m not a nice guy anymore, I’m just a nice guy with a bit of an edge now…

Nice guys may finish last, but we finish on top!!

Fun Friday:Cheating Joke

                                       “Hello?”

“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy busy?”   

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” 

  After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got
an Uncle Paul.”
  

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”   

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”   

“Okay Daddy, ! just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”  

 “And what happened honey?” he asked.   

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”   

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”   

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.                                 But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and! I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, ! “Swimming pool? . . .

Is this  486-5731?”

I’ll Pay You To Have My Baby!

“I want a kid, but I don’t want to adopt. I want a kid, but I don’t want the stresses of a relationship”.. This is what was said to me this weekend. As you can see my conversations are never normal (why do these people attract to me lol) Are today’s 20 and 30-something men, paying surrogates to bear their children? With a little digging I’ve discovered that, yes there seems to be a growing trend emerging. Either from excessive sour relationships, being stood up at the alter, or just ultra independence, whatever the case, today’s gentlemen are becoming Dads, and embracing the new motto: No Wife, No Problem!!

So exactly how much is this going to cost me? The cost of surrogate birth, including legal and medical fees comes to a staggering 95-K 125k. Let’s see how this is broken down: buying eggs, up to 50K depending on the donor’s looks, education, and professional achievement; 15K for vitro fertilization of a man’s sperm; 30K for hiring a young woman who will allow the embryo to be implanted in her uterus. The paying of donors for certain attributes, worries me… What attributes are you willing to pay for; blue eyes, green eyes, blond hair, and what does that say about the attribute?? Does that mean certain colors or flavors are better than others? Are we going to start “race” selecting our children?–Nazi engineering anyone, anyone at all?, oh just me? Riiight? manbaby.jpg

The US is one of the few countries in which paid surrogacy is legal. It depends on the state though. It’s legal in Maryland, but iilegal in DC. So now you have father-hopeful jumping state lines just in hopes of having a child. The artificial reproductive technology is a 3-billion-a-year industry in the US alone(who knew!!!). You would think there would be much more regulations, but there isn’t. Some guys are getting the short end of the stick. There have been cases where, after giving birth, some woman have won custody battles to keep the children. (I don’t see that happens, just put the farther’s name on the birth certificate only..duhhhh) Other cases involve men paying for eggs and then the women, have problems getting pregnant. That’s a lousy way to blow 7500 bucks. I know some of you are thinking what kind of people do these sorts of things. There’s a much high demand for these unions. All it takes is a decently wealthy man, and a willing fertile female. Often times young married couples are in such need of money, that they are willing to do this. That’s the kicker, in most cases these aren’t single men, paying single women to bear children, the women are generally married and range from 21-35.(mind blowing I know)

Guys, let’s talk for a moment. Has it really come down to this? There are better things to spend money on, seriously. I mean sure relationships are something that require alot of work, time an effort. Raising a kid is a big deal, and while yes, women have been doing it “by themselves” for years, I’m sure not ny choice… I want a wife and two kids and whole works, life would be just to boring without it, I think. As mush as I like my independence, I don’t think I could/would want to raise a child alone.

Are men crossing social and genetics boundaries that they shouldn’t? Should society be doing things like this? Will growing up mommy-less from birth have a greater effect on children than we can expect? So what do you all think?

PS. It feels good to be back!!!(NO MORE TRAVELING)…atleast for a while.

The Seeds We Plant

I’m swamped today, so I’ve decided to write poem instead today.  Peeople have gone in and out of my life,  some for the good and some for the bad, and after a while people reveal their true colors.  Those latter people don’t hold any power over me, because I dont’ hold any hatred or bitterness towards them. I’m a firm believer of  the saying you reap what you sew. So many people get caught in the cycle of pain and happiness. If you plant the same seeds and grow them the same way, expect similar results.  Stop reliving unhealthy cycles, and just live.

The Seeds We Plant

I’m sitting here watching this movie,  you know, The Great Karma’s Return,

It’s actually a little funny, a little sad,watching you, crash and burn 

See now I know, what you are really are all about

Such a show when it’s time to stomp and shout

You used and abused and sucked it all dry

No room to wiggle, to breathe, not even space to cry

Should’ve listened, Should’ve learned Should have played it smart

But now there’s no return no return on her part.

Should’ve listened, Should’ve learned Should have played it smart

But now there’s no return no return on his part.

Just stop, just quit, please don’t even try

I can’t, I won’t, I will NOT accept another lie

I’m still me, that’s all I am at the end of the day

It’s all so interesting observing the YOU decay

I’m living now, not then, not more, but now

I’ll stick to my words, my tongue, my vow

Should’ve listened, Should’ve learned Should have played it smart

But now there’s no return no return on my part.

Should’ve listened, Should’ve learned Should have played it smart

Sorry I but I live Now, so there’s no return not on my part.

-Justin V