“I want a kid, but I don’t want to adopt. I want a kid, but I don’t want the stresses of a relationship”.. This is what was said to me this weekend. As you can see my conversations are never normal (why do these people attract to me lol) Are today’s 20 and 30-something men, paying surrogates to bear their children? With a little digging I’ve discovered that, yes there seems to be a growing trend emerging. Either from excessive sour relationships, being stood up at the alter, or just ultra independence, whatever the case, today’s gentlemen are becoming Dads, and embracing the new motto: No Wife, No Problem!!
So exactly how much is this going to cost me? The cost of surrogate birth, including legal and medical fees comes to a staggering 95-K 125k. Let’s see how this is broken down: buying eggs, up to 50K depending on the donor’s looks, education, and professional achievement; 15K for vitro fertilization of a man’s sperm; 30K for hiring a young woman who will allow the embryo to be implanted in her uterus. The paying of donors for certain attributes, worries me… What attributes are you willing to pay for; blue eyes, green eyes, blond hair, and what does that say about the attribute?? Does that mean certain colors or flavors are better than others? Are we going to start “race” selecting our children?–Nazi engineering anyone, anyone at all?, oh just me? Riiight? 
The US is one of the few countries in which paid surrogacy is legal. It depends on the state though. It’s legal in Maryland, but iilegal in DC. So now you have father-hopeful jumping state lines just in hopes of having a child. The artificial reproductive technology is a 3-billion-a-year industry in the US alone(who knew!!!). You would think there would be much more regulations, but there isn’t. Some guys are getting the short end of the stick. There have been cases where, after giving birth, some woman have won custody battles to keep the children. (I don’t see that happens, just put the farther’s name on the birth certificate only..duhhhh) Other cases involve men paying for eggs and then the women, have problems getting pregnant. That’s a lousy way to blow 7500 bucks. I know some of you are thinking what kind of people do these sorts of things. There’s a much high demand for these unions. All it takes is a decently wealthy man, and a willing fertile female. Often times young married couples are in such need of money, that they are willing to do this. That’s the kicker, in most cases these aren’t single men, paying single women to bear children, the women are generally married and range from 21-35.(mind blowing I know)
Guys, let’s talk for a moment. Has it really come down to this? There are better things to spend money on, seriously. I mean sure relationships are something that require alot of work, time an effort. Raising a kid is a big deal, and while yes, women have been doing it “by themselves” for years, I’m sure not ny choice… I want a wife and two kids and whole works, life would be just to boring without it, I think. As mush as I like my independence, I don’t think I could/would want to raise a child alone.
Are men crossing social and genetics boundaries that they shouldn’t? Should society be doing things like this? Will growing up mommy-less from birth have a greater effect on children than we can expect? So what do you all think?
PS. It feels good to be back!!!(NO MORE TRAVELING)…atleast for a while.
Filed under: 20-Something, Couples, Dating, Guy Stuff, Guys, Life, Love, Men, money, Relationships, sex, Society, Women |
The Justification of Justin 
I think that some men are taking more responsibility nowadays. They have as much a father instinct as women have a mother instinct, give or take a few degrees of readiness, willingness and ableness. The bottom line is that all people have a need to love and be loved and many people think that they can achieve the ultimate by loving a newborn. That broaches the question: Is it an instinctual need or a societal need? Growing up mommy-less has its pitfalls. A child needs a mother and father. I am impressed with your research skills. A good discourse indeed. 😀
Personally I believe that as long as a child is loved unconditionally it doesnt matter in the end if they have only a single parent, two moms, two dads or grow up in a “normal” nuclear family.
I was raised by only my mother with no male influences and it had no negative effects on me.
These days with all of the interesting technology and availble outlets, I think there really should be nothing holding someone back if they want a child (man or woman).
The truth is – maybe the spot light should be on all the children that are being born unwanted and living painful childhoods and suffering through a life they shouldnt be introduced to. How many children are born a year as a mistake and never really feel true love or want from there parents.
Loved the post 🙂
are you maried?
@ Alexys–Thanks for stopping by the blog. You make a great point about the need to love and be loved. You als raise a great questions about this being a societal need or instinct.
@ Chelsea– I undersand you points. I was raised my mother, and I think I turned ok, give or take a voice inside my head or what not. You’re right technology is allowing us to do things we never thought possible. I just sorta have reservations about the rate inwhich this is increasing. It’s sorta like telling guys/gals that having a family or alteast “TRYING” to have one isn’t important anymore. You make another great point, about the children.
A paid surrogate mother to bear a child to a single heterosexual man? I don’t think so. If a man cannot bond to a woman sufficiently to have a child with her, then he has some deep unresolved issues. His motives are questionable, and most likely selfish. An heir of one’s own flesh and blood?By the time a cute baby is a teenager, it will be left in the care of nannies.
How about homosexual men in long lasting relationships? I believe that loving unions provide a nurturing environment for a child. Still, in my opinion, there are so many children in the third world countries, particularly girls, that need warm homes. Why not adopt?
no offense but you’re an idiot. There’s tons of single men who make a ton of money, very educated and love their life and know that getting married these days just doesn’t work for men. From the courts always favoring women to men losing half their life income in a divorce the cost just isn’t worth it so until the courts look at women who are mostly educated as equal and fair in family court most smart men aren’t going to risk something with horrible odds.
Finally, single women have kids all the time w/o the father present. I’m even willing to bet a single man raising a child will turn out better than women. You can attribute a lot of young adults and children’s issues from being raised by a single mom.
I have two incredible daughters the traditional way and no longer married. My life has never been better and any single friends who ask me I tell them do NOT get married or at minimum get an iron clad per-nuptial that she’ll sign if she is marrying you for love.
Adoption agencies are biased against single men. Make mid six figures? So what! Ivy league educated? We don’t care! ZERO history of mental issues and incredible health? So sorry you’re a man, we just can’t see how a single father can raise a child like a single mother can despite all the stats that are out that are saying men have performed at worst as well as single women and in many aspects better.
Justin,
Interesting subject. Most of western society does bat an eye when a single woman decides by choice to have a child without a father. So why should it be any different if a man makes this decision. Love is the key element here, not the gender.
I would say that if someone of either sex is doing so to avoid the complexity of a relationship, they are in for a major surprise, for the relationship between a parent and child can be just as, if not more complex that a romantic relationship.
Vlatka–You make a great point about guys who can’t connect with a woman, has unresolvd issues. Having a baby will not solve th issues, it’ll just sweep them under the rug. I agree I’d just adopt, if I wanted a kid that bad..but I think some people have selfish motives, and want “pure owndership” of their children.
Mark– You hit the nail on the head with the relationshop between parent and child, be just as complex if not more.
Life is certainly becoming more scientific, that’s for sure. Breeding humans like they were sort of experiment? It’s creepy. But then again, the knowledge was put here on Earth for a specific reason. That means there must be a purpose for us knowing how to do this to begin with.
And this also means that this is only the beginning. With anything in life there is a start. First, it’s men/women wanting to have a surrogate, or practically anything else you mention in this writing. But what’s next?
Everything has a beginning phase, and an ending phase. I sure do not want to even begin imagining where this goes from here. We’ve seen it happen in movies where humans are genetically cloned, grown, bred, etc. But to have this as a reality? Mind blow.
Your research on this is fascinating. I have joked about hiring a surrogate for years. At least, it’s mostly been a joke. You see, I take issue with Vlatka’s comment about any man wanting to do this having unresolved issues, etc. Please give me an example of any parent in the universe that doesn’t have some form of unresolved issues. As human beings, we all do. Also, I think the issues discussed about single fatherhood are ridiculous. In our society, we are more used to hearing about single mothers, but children throughout the ages have also been raised by single men. Mothers sometimes die, and women are not exempt from being deadbeat parents too. For me personally, I know that I am too independent. I have never yet met a woman whom I have confidently felt I could spend the rest of my life with. I don’t believe that procludes me from being a good father. So for now, I’m keeping all options open!
D-Love,
Thanks for officially stopping by the blog. You nailed on the head with the comment about women not be exempt from deadbeat parents too. You are right as well that many times fathers have to raise children on their own. I too can relate to the feeling of being over undendent as times. Keep all you options open!!..
yes d-love I agree to an extent about single fathers, but mothers are more willing to sacrifice their lives for their children and have a harder time walking away from something that is inside you. Men don’t have that realization as much. I have had more friends and known more people where the men just leave because they WANT to. For some reason it is harder for a woman to just get up and walk away because she WANTS to. Then I have met so many guys who had great jobs all their life, but did what they WANTED, and now they are 50 or older and desperate to have a kid. You know they wasted their lives doing what they wanted. In some ways I think women mature earlier or faster and men remain little kids. I have met women like that, and women have their faults, but in general maybe they are forced to grow up. I don’t know if that is the answer, I have just noticed so many men including my father who just did not WANT to be responsible.
Your generalizing because of your fathers relationship with you. If I said all mothers are whores and drunks because some I met are would that offend you? Or how about this scenario your husband of ten years comes home with a infant he conceived with another women and tells you that your responsible for it and even if he leaves you you will have to support the child regardless of him remarrying or not. Fair? No yet any man who trust his wife’s fidelity is taking that risk in the US. So are the growing number of women who commit this atrocity more mature and responsible
Vlatka, I find your comment interesting about “unresolved issues” it’s like
u’re pigeon holing men who look at surrogates as the only one with a problem. Have you ever looked around this planet and seen the high percentage of relationship failure and the traumatic effect this has on the
child. This is were the finger of unresolved issues should be pointing, people who are apparently to inmature to consider their feelings above a
innocent childs.
Laura, yes men have had great jobs but in modern day their is a role
reversal were woman want to be the Boss, the only thing is this isn’t
for five minutes this is sometimes a life commitment (maybe why we have
lots more house husbands) so at the end of the day who ends up looking
after the child while mummy’s playing golf.
Sexism I’m a single male and I’m a unfit father to my children because I’m male? No I must disagree as I know my children and everyone in our lives would as well. Women are better ,providers ,protectors, and able to bond more effectively because they’re female? Men are jus t as protective of their children women drop off infants at public institutions all the time. This has very little to do with the parents gender and more to do with the individual . I can easily see why a man would consider surrogacy . If you are immediately responsible for a child and mother and must support them regardless of the success of the relationship. Why risk loosing the relationship with your children? Women have no responsibility or cost in a failed relationship they are free to find another partner will have no social stigmas do to single parenting they will receive financial support from the father and have their children with them the male will have lost everything she gained and will only have a small percentage of daddy time with the majority of that relationship going to the mothers new interest . There are so many issues here it is astounding and impossible to respond to all .
If i had the money i would. Just because ive always wanted children and relationships are too much hard work- and you never know how its going to end. The last thing i want is my child growing up away from me. Not that im a woman hater- but this is typically what happens a lot of the time. But im only 26 so i still got a few more years before i start selling my body to raise the cash.
Rowan,
Thanks for stopping by the blog. I agree man relationships are very hard, they are prehaps one of the most high risk investments one can take. If things keep going the way they are, i may be joining you…lol
I am in a relationship with a fantistic, smart, kind and very economically stable woman. Unfortunately she is medically unable to have children. Is there anybody out there who would bear /carry a child with me as the father and allow thier mothers rights to be passed onto the woman I have spoke of above, essentially releasing the child to her and I? Of course it would have to be legally set up, but I don’t want to bother with the doctors and invitro, already tried that, it is kind of a waste of money.
Cheers
I’m 28, I thought I would have reached the whole marriage baby thing by now, suddenly I think arrgh ive partied my life away and would like to have a baby. I don’t have a bf and think if my 20s went that quick, then 30/40 maybe too late. i dont want to be a granny mum and dont want to miss out! What to do?
I would be interested in helping you to have a baby. Let me know if you are interested.
I’m in my 20s with excellent genes (tall, dark, handsome, doctoral educated). Looking to spread my genes but need a partner. Contact me if interested.
hello
great forum lots of lovely people just what i need
hopefully this is just what im looking for looks like i have a lot to read and then a lot to wright
If I had a dime for each time I came here! Incredible writing.
I don’t think a motherless child will be effected negatively at all…
considering many country’s have the tradition, where the father takes there boys from the age they begin walk. and raise them alone until they are 10 years old.
when they are reintroduced to there mother they are not dependent on her.
because the Father, taught him or her how to depend only on ones self…
cooking for yourself to eat, how to work for money and bonds with other people, how to find a mate and prepare for the future. responsibility. etc…
these kids have greater bonds with there parents…and family’s.
you won’t see rebellion, or incredible ignorant decisions being made by them…
because they are fully educated. and get the heads up on life.
[not to say women can’t do the same. but when it comes to raising a boy.. father knows best.]
[you can have the girl, but I’ll raise her strong just like my boys ;)]
oh! lol yeah there still kids, so of course they’ll do stupid things…
but now they’ll know how to learn from there mistakes, imediately after making them… rather than taking years to learn, to not keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
its conditioning…
“2” parents have different idea’s on how to deal with life… and when it comes to gender…
father and only father can relate to his boys…
and mother can relate to her girls…
because if you haven’t noticed, Males and females still have no clue on what any one is about… filled with many biases…
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE CHILDREN. PLEASE VISIT ME ON FB AT…MJJACKSON CONCEPTION
Strange this post is totally unrelated to what I was searching goggle for, but it was listed on the first page. I guess your doing something right if Google likes you enough to put you on the first page of a non related search.
gaming chair x rocker
Im willing to carry a child for someone
Hi Lakeya
write be back when youre ready
take care
kevin
Hi My name is Kevin
Im also feel the need for someone one to carry a child for me
im willing to pay her il take the response my myself
Im not Drugs i have my own house my own job
if any woman willing to do that for me i be so happy
write me back im serious
Thank you ladies
Hi my name is ” Juvetta Walker and i am 28 years of age i am mixed , lite skin hazel green eyes that change colors . I’m very interested my email is marcuswalker27@gmail.com
Am 17 turning 18 in september and am willing to have a child for you if you could email me on chloe_lpool@hotmail.co.uk thankyou.
Yes I would like your help email me at michaelstofey@rocketmail.com
still looking?
/
ladies feel free to write back im looking
If you’re still looking you can email me at npala64@yahoo.com and would be glad to speak to you as well as send you pictures of myself as well as my children.
i would love you have someones child email me at dbaxter209@gmail.com
I want to get paid to have someone baby..how do i do this?
I’ll pay u just email me
How do you get paid for havin a baby for someone else?
hi im looking for a couple to have my baby, im wiiling to pay.. ive just found out i cant ave kids and it hurt so bad please anyone that is kind enough i wil make it worth your while get in contact wit me sammac12@hotmail.com
thanks
hello sam my name is katy i am 32 have a 10 year old now, get back to me on katyspringall@hotmai.com
melz just wanted to know if you still needed kind person help
please contact me im lookin a kind person to have my baby im willing to pay
Hi Sam,
I would like to but not for the money. I would like to find a good-hearted person who would be a good father and we can co-parent.
We meet after baby is born and I’ll give you the money
We meet some where and I’ll give you the money then
email me @ georginafleming@rocketmail.com
Hi my name is ” Juvetta Walker and i am a mother of six children with defferent back
ground , i’m 28 years of age and i am mixed . I have hazel green eye’s which change color when ever it want’s , i am basicly a stay at home mother that has something someone out theyre want . which is the ability to get pregnant real easy ! I’ve had all my children naturally and would love to share the beauty of giving birth with another , you can send messages to marcuswalker27@gmail.com . Thanks !
I want to have a child will u help me out
I am in a very complicated unusual chapter in my life and there is a very special little guy….well I am willing to talk no judgement n must be open minded and adaptable…if you wish to speak to me personaly call 3306212872. Thanks.
Any one want to have a child with me i will pay you to do it too im a very kind and reliabel person and like to have fun so cane some one help with this it will be worth your while
Hi Mike,
I’d love to do it but not for the money. I’d just to find a good hearted and reliable person to co-parent with me.
How much?
Hi,
I am very interested in co-parenting. If serious, please contact me on jkagmal@gmail.com
I am willing to co parent with ypu
Can some one help me have a child I’m a kind loving guy and
hi i am intersted please get back to me on katyspringall@hotmail.com
Email me @ michaelstofey@rocketmail.com to talk about this
I will give you a baby .
emailme this is the original poster
Hi Kevin,
I am currently taking applications. If you are still looking or know someone who is my email address is npala64@yahoo.com
Hi I had never had a kid, but I would be whiling to hold a baby for you, Altho im not Financially Stable, so im whilling to help and make your family complete on holding a baby for you. My race is Hawaiian,Filipino,Chinese,Japanese, Caucasian, I am 24 yearsold and I
hello i am looking for someone to co parent with me or who will have baby for me and i will pay
i am a kind nice reliable person.
Interested in Doreen other women can consider my offer. $100k ok ?
whoah this blog is great i love reading your articles. Keep up the good work! You know, a lot of people are searching around for this information, you can aid them greatly.