Why Ashley Miller Rocks

1. She is humorous and witty..

2. She reminds me of Daria (old MTV cartoon)

3. She asked for an interesting link…

4. She is diversely opinionated

5.  She was my BBE Mentor in Film School

That is all..

This Blog Post will self-destruct in about 3 days…

I Must Blog..

I need to write, I have to, I want to. It’s a matter of life and death, both career wise and personally. Writing, like running or swimming only gets better with practice. It’s a sport, the art, the craft, and when it doesn’t get attention it fades likes today’s err yesterday’s trend.

I always told myself that my blog would never be devoted on one thing, and nor was it going to be an online diary. What write to about.. my blog has never been extrememly well focused, and while it never suffered from an identity crisis, I can’t help to think that maybe it’s time for an overhauling.  I don’t want to start fresh, but I need direction.

While I think about this, I guess I’ll just catch everyone up. There’s been a lot going on, last coulple of weeks of film school, a vacation, I moved to L.A., I Intern at NBCUNIiversal, with SyFy. So maybe once I get those post out, I’ll have a little breathing room to write again.

Disappointment

Disappointment–

I don’t deal with it well, not well at all.

For me I know it stems from years and years upon disappointment with my father. The missed birthdays, the wrong gifts, the broken promises, the un-obligatory feeling he radiates from this actions.

Expectations have a way of setting themselves, and even when we lower them to what we think is an acceptable level. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed when things fall below that. I sometimes can’t believe the amount of effort, or lack of some people have with it comes to certain things, like dates, or gifts, or birthdays, or thanks you. I am more let down by the effort, that causes the disappointment. If I try my hardest or if someone else does, and things don’t end up quite right, then I don’t have a problem with anything. You just chalk it up, and celebrate an awesome effort. You always can’t win and nor can you have everything you want.

I know and completely understand and accept that.  It’s the lack of effort that is so overwhelming poor,  that’s when disappointment hurts me the most. It’s when you have WEEKS to prepare, and your efforts seem rushed and THOUGHTLESS, it’s when you ask for one thing, and get nothing remotely close, to what you wanted,  when someone has means of make it available, it’s when you emulate what’s already been done for you, because you can’t come up with anything Creative on your on, or even attempted t0– that’s when disappointment hurts the most.

I just don’t understand how you can drop the ball on some of the most important days, when it’s your last chance to make things right, when it’s a chance to make someone you love feel loved, when it’s a day that’s important to them for whatever reason. The fact is ,the excuses  make the disappointment that much more stronger. Somehow their validation of their LACK of effort, makes the disappointment wound sting even more, because somehow they think it’s okay to explain why they didn’t go the extra mile for you, hell, when didn’t make the 1st mile at all.

People like my mom have to do double duty, to overshadow the whimsical  attempts of my father . Thank God I have really good friends that know me, than can catch the slack for other people, who spew nothing but excuses for their inadequacies, that been said, IF those people even recognize their shortcomings.

Run-ons and jumbled… yeah yeah i know… Just read the words..

Release

A change, a release, that’s what I Pray

Seeking God, to mold me like Clay

Been so stressed, I swear my hair should be Gray

Please Baby, Please Please won’t you  Stay

Sorry don’t think so, not even if you  begged with Pay

Sure it’s been the coldest month of May

Your vicious words you used to Slay

My personality, my spirit now at Fray

Took me too long to see through you like an X-ray

You crushed my spirit, like a bud in an Ashtray

I won’t allow it, for me to Betray

Myself and watch my essence Decay

You can try really hard to make me Sway

You say yes, but I say Nay

Look in the mirror, do you like what you Portray

Keep distance and remain at Bay

Said I wouldn’t leave, cause you were a good Lay

The way you acted,  was well “kinda sorta “f#ckin’ Gay”

Its True, that love caused me to Delay

Now its over, and its Okay

And all this anger, frustration and hurt will soon just Flay

I grin, I smile, cause it’s a new Day

But I need to do my own thing, to get out and Play

What more can I do, what can I Say

Chalk it to life, but I’m walking Away

Jealousy

When Jealously shows its face, it’s always ugly, very ugly.

Wiki says: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

I think for some , they can’t deal with their own inadequacy. It stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel that they aren’t good enough, or worthy of you love and attention. These feelings only fester and eventually they manifest into stronger and more violent emotions likes anger, and hate.

Their own insecurity or bad self-image makes them think badly of themselves, if this person is in a relationship they begin to wonder what their significant other sees in them. They will second guess themselves on why their sig. other will stay with them or leave, and of course they fear that their sig. other will find some one who is “better”.

You should remove yourself from the jealousy types. Relationships with these types of people are unhealthy.

Soon you will find yourself conforming to behaviors, that only have been approved by your Jealousy Other half. When you have to 2nd guess your actions, words, thoughts, in order to avoid the slightly rise in jealousy, I think you reevaluate your relationship. When having lunch with a friend becomes an interrogation, when a night out with the boys/girls become more of a chore than enjoyment, when much needed alone time is questioned, I think it’s time to ask yourself this question;  Is this how you want to live?

Of course, communication is the key, but when that fails and it can’t be worked out…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Things I Do that Aggrevate People..

OUT & ABOUT:

— When jogging, I like to make special trips through fast food restaurants parking lots. I won’t say anything to potential customers. I think my very presence, speaks on them on many levels. Once in a while,  a car will pull out of the drive thru, most likely over come with with guilt.  What?? I can’t help that’s it own my jogging course.

— I wave hello to random people, that I don’t know.

— Sometimes I walk to the beat of the music, and (sometimes I silently have a soundtrack in my head)

AT HOME:

— When I sneeze, I say: “Excuse me, Bless Me, Thank you”.  Cuts out the middle man.. If I said “You’re Welcome” then I would be considered sorta weird

— I used plastic-ware, so that I will never technically have to do the dishes, because technically I never dirty up any dishes. Saves water right?

IN THE CAR:

-If driving, and you go to sleep on me, I’ll slam on breaks and start screaming

-If in the passenger side, I normally attempt to strangle myself at the stop lights

– If in the back of car, I will rock the car at the stop lights, by grab both “Oh SHIT” handle and shifting my weight

AT THE GYM:

–If I’m asked how many sets I have left, I usually give an super high number like 15

–I switch the Time Elapsed to Time Remaining, so that people wont stand behind when my time is almost up.